Marriage, at the Front and Back of the Book Part 2

*See part one HERE*

     Marriage is about a bond. A self-strengthening and mutually self sacrificial system that leads to the ultimate betterment of both parties. Here we see the major flaw in most people's thinking about marriage: the point of your marriage is not that your spouse will fulfill all your desires or “needs.” We shouldn't even really be thinking of ourselves; the majority if not all of our thought should be on making the life of our spouse and our spouse themselves better. One of the biggest things a Christian will face when trying to live out a godly marriage is that we oppress women by saying they have to submit to their husbands. People never seem to read the part right after that, where men are called to love their lives like Christ.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.”

(Ephesians 5:22-27)

     Yes women are called to submit to a fallible human man, but we men are called to live like Jesus! Which do you think is harder? Which do you think is more likely? Christ loves His church to the point where He left the glory of heaven and allowed himself to be brutally tortured and murdered, just to save us. Just to make a way for people who hate Him to live. And I get it, I do, you hate the idea of obeying. You hate that men have the “top spot.” Remember though, that having a position of leadership in the Bible does not make that person better than those who are lead. A wife who obeys her husband will give her husband less cause to fly off and try and control her through force and a husband who truly loves his wife will not seek to have dominion over her. I have the final say in my home but what that really means is that whether we find success or failure the buck stops with me. That is the weight of responsibility.

     These are all arguments that can be made and explanations that can be repeated and rejected as the case may be but really there is only one true reason for the attack on marriage. The real reason for the attack is because of the real meaning for marriage. Marriage is more than just two people chasing after happiness. It is more than a couple fulfilled by their union. It is more than two individuals drawing strength from each other to make it through tomorrow. Marriage -is- all these things but ultimately it is a picture. Marriage is a picture of God and His church. The family is a metaphor for eternity. Look again at the passage from Genesis 2. We see the man leave his family and join to his wife, the two forming “one flesh.” Flip to the other side of the Bible and we see Jesus leaving His Father in heaven and that the church is the joined into the body of Christ with Jesus as it's head. One flesh. The roles laid out for men and women are not their to set us against each other or to set one up against the other or higher than the other. We are here to show the world what God has done for His people.

     Marriage will always be under attack because it is a picture of God and man. In this one thing, this one amazing thing, God has set up a continually running example of His love for us. That image cannot be allowed to survive in a world that hates and rejects Him. That image has to die if this world wants to forget Him and ignore Him. Sure, there are cultural trappings and society has done great damage to the simple beauty of marriage. Sure we have made a hash of it in general and the record is not good. But these things are superficial, nothing more than dirt on the surface that can be easily looked past and cleaned away. You wouldn't throw away a diamond because of the stone that encases it would you? Just the same marriage is a scuffed gem that any one of us can clean and polish, leaving something of great and enduring value.

The Worth of Trophies

Would you like another feather, sir?

To put into your cap?

More accolades and honors earned

More fame that you can tap?

Do you let your eyes go wandering

Your many high awards?

Do you spend your free time pondering

How you can earn still more?

You can gather up the trophies

You can heap up much esteem

You can keep it all so closely

But what does it all mean?

Is all you are so tightly wrapped

In who you think you are?

Are your relationships all trapped

Behind narcissistic bars?

How do you deal with how they see

The life you daily live?

Do you miss the forest for the tree

Does truth fall through the sieve?

Can you take any of it with you?

Will it warm you in the tomb?

When your time on this world is through,

Will it save you from your doom?

Let love for self be love for others

Put 'me' back on the shelf

Let your heart beat for your brothers

And you will find true wealth.

by. Jonathan Schaefer

02/25/15

To Marry or to Stand Alone

     Well, tomorrow is the big day, Valentines Day! A day of love and romance and other gooshy, lovey-dovey topics. You might expect another post about relationships and marriage and whatnot but no sir! Today we are going to discuss darn near the exact opposite, singleness. I know, I know, kind of a weird topic given the time of year but I think its rather appropriate, so lets go!

     Marriage is such an oft discussed topic that I think it overshadows singleness, and that's understandable. Marriage is the picture used to describe the relationship between Christ and the church. A proper respect of our marriages is vital to our lives and one of the backbones of the church. That being said, I think we get so focused on the importance of marriage that we think that everyone should be married and that singleness is a lesser state.

But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord; how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world; how he may please his wife.

(1 Corinthians 7:32-33)

But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am;

(1 Corinthians 7:8)

     Paul points out that although marriage is a good thing, it adds to you a whole host of concerns that you did not have before. A single man (or women) is free to live wholly for God, but the married must give of themselves to their spouse as well as to God. This is the critical factor, we have done so much to promote proper marriage that we have neglected to encourage people to see if God would have us get married at all! Not everyone wants to get married, and not everyone is “supposed” to get married.

     Those who remain single have the opportunity to use their time and their efforts more freely for the kingdom. Think about how much you could do without a spouse to care for, provide for, and protect; how much work could you do for the kingdom if you didn't have to raise your children? Now I am not by any means belittling marriage and family here. They are wonderful things and encouraged by God but our message seems to be all marriage all the time and that those not married should be preparing for marriage. We should be teaching our young men and women (and the old ones as well, frankly) to almost ignore marriage specifically and learn to live for God! If God has planned for you to marry than He will make it happen and you will be all the better prepared for it if you are focused on Him! We are God's first and our spouse's second, that has to be at the heart of marriage and our singleness.

     So don't feel bad this year if you don't have an “S.O.” to cuddle. God has a plan for you and that may include marriage and it may not. In either case you will most fulfilled when trust yourself to Him first. Remember to use the time and freedom you have as a single person to do what you can for God and His kingdom. Who knows, out in the mission field may just be where you find him/her anyway.

To Be a Man

     It has occurred to many that the standard and accepted portrayal of men in our society is twofold: either as bumbling idiots, likable yes, but no one you'd want balancing your checkbook or running the house; or as selfish sex-craving misogynists who see women as objects or less. I for one have often railed as to the unfairness of these portrayals and how they do little more than foster the belief that this is all men have to offer. Worse still are those who see the undervaluing of men in our culture and simply don't bother to be more. Biblicaly speaking men are called to be more than this. We are to be leaders, teachers, guides, protectors, guards, lovers, and more. Despite this high calling for men we see very little of it in our world. I've pondered this problem for some time and although there are many reasons why things have turned out this way I'm left with only one conclusion: Men are portrayed as idiots because men -on the whole- are.

     It is not however, an entirely conscious choice. Part of the effect of the fall was to have men become lazy and women developing the desire to take their place. This wouldn't seem like a huge problem if it weren't for the fact that these desire did not replace the knowledge of our proper positions. Due to our fallen nature men don't want to lead, we'd rather take it easy. Many women would rather make all the decisions (because men are pretty dumb, right?) but still think that men “should” be commanding and in charge and confident. This creates a viscous cycle of anger and resentment that destroys many homes.

     Looking outside the home and into society we see that it is not simply a relationship issue. Men everywhere are deliberately casting aside “manhood,” choosing instead to adopt more 'modern' ideas of gender roles. Traditional “manliness” has been nearly vilified by our culture as chauvinistic and elitist, even so far to make chivalry a form of demeaning behavior! All this is a problem but the biggest issue really is that many men simply never become men at all. We live in a world where adolescence simply continues on through a boys life, he never grows up and he never moves on from childhood. How many “young men” do you know -guys in their mid to late twenties- who have never had a long term relationship, have never given a single thought to marriage, who still live at home, or who don't put any effort into creating a substantial foundation to their life? This is a systemic problem, to such an extent that we don't even see the issue. In my own life I can perceive parts of my thoughts and behaviors that I know should probably be...more that they are. Of course there are extenuating circumstances and not every case is the same but people these days seem to be terrified of really growing up and cling to youth as long as they can.

     I'm not going to give you solutions, I don't really have them. This is a thing that must start at home; husbands and fathers taking their place and doing things right. They will influence their children and so on down the line. Men were meant to be the cornerstone, the strength in society that held firm against error and stood up to the problems around them. We've lost that today and I think we're suffering for it.

“Be watchful. Stand fast in the faith. Act like men. Be strong. Let all you do be done in love.”

(1 Corinthians 16:13-14)

The Forest for the Trees

     Let's be honest for a moment here, Christianity does not have the best public image; at least not here in the US. To many people, we are the embodiment of intolerance and closed-minded, bigoted, and superstitious belief. They see us a simple-minded holdouts of a time gone by, long since left behind by those with discerning minds. Anti-science, anti-thought, and anti-love are the labels many would place upon us. We have not, for the most part, done much to help this image.

     Many modern day “Christians” spend a great deal of time blasting other groups and other people, hammering away at them and shoving the Bible in their faces. They do not care for the souls of others, only that those evil sinners stop making their lives so uncomfortable. They are crass and rude and belligerent and do nothing to progress the cause of Christ. Let's be honest once more, would you willingly seek out the faith held by these people? Would someone screaming in your face at the grocery store really convince you of the truths of scripture? Is it not more likely that these people who blithely use the name of our Lord and become indignant and preachy at the slightest offense, push people further from God?

     Worse still are those far from truth who claim it still. People like the members of the Westboro Baptist Church who seem to have no love at all, or the “name it and claim it” groups who turn God into a servant of man. People who claim the name of Christ but are not known to Him. These people parade the image of the people of God before the firing line of society. The world see's them, see's their hatred and their cold facade, their greed and materialism, and that image bleeds across everyone who calls themselves a Christian. God is just yes, but He is also love. Any message of judgment must come through the voice of one who desperately yearns for the salvation of the damned! God does not find joy in killing off the evil or the sinful (Ezekiel 33:11) rather He desires that all would be saved. These people and these groups lift up an image of Christianity that is heartless and mean, devoid of any attractive features, or who is weak and subject to the whim of his followers. Again, how likely is it that anyone will hear this message and truly repent? How will they see the love of God who longs to forgive if those who are supposedly His people lack all forgiveness?

     Don't get me wrong, this is not a popularity contest. Christians -real Christians- will be hated by the world (John 15:20). A sinful world cannot and will not accept a message that says that it must change. That being said, we must be sure that we are accurately displaying and relaying the message of God to those around us. God is just but He is also the justifier. He is the judge who condemns and who has mercy. He is the sword and the sacrifice. Real biblical Christianity is to so many, lost in a fog of falsehood; hidden behind a crowd of inaccurate teaching and unbiblical behavior. We must stand strong and show the world the Christ of the Scriptures. We must stand against false teachers and preach the truth of God in our land. People need to hear the words of God and if we must shout to be heard above the din then so be it. If we must risk our lives by standing above the foxholes then that is what we must do. Eternity lies before us, whether in heaven or in hell. Let those who reject Christ reject the real Christ of Scripture. Show Him to the world that hope may be found.

“As was the man of dust, so also are those who are made of dust; and as is the heavenly Man, so also are those who are heavenly. And as we have borne the image of the man of dust, we shall also bear the image of the heavenly Man.”

(1 Corinthians 15:48-49)

The Ghost in My Pocket

     Have you ever stopped to wonder what it means to commune with God? Have you pondered how we can have any meaningful relation with a being so far beyond us? Beyond even that, He already knows everything so how can our relationship progress? Aren't our relationships built on shared experiences and a growing knowledge of each other that is built over time? This is true of our earthly relationships but the way in which we interact with our heavenly Father is, shall we say, a bit different.

“I am praying to you because I know you will answer, O God. Bend down and listen as I pray.”

(Psalms 17:6)

     First off, yes, God does already know everything. This of course includes what we are thinking and feeling and everything we are going to say. The relationship we have with Him grows not by a greater understanding on His part but of one on ours. As we seek the Father in His Word and through prayer it draws us closer to Him. I imagine that God gets much joy in those moments when we see some new and glorious aspect of Him for the first time, or when some biblical truth finally makes sense to us. God's understanding of us is perfect and always has been, but we will never stop learning more about His infinite character; there will always be some new aspect to His personality or some fresh insight into His being to excite us.

“No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and His love has been brought to full expression through us. And God has given us His Spirit as proof that we live in Him and He in us.”

(1 John 4:12-13)

     More interesting still is the fact that unlike our earthly relationships, God is literally within us. The Holy Spirit dwells in the heart of every Christian, strengthening and guiding us along our journey. The Bible tells us that He communicates to the Father on our behalf, communicating better than we can the things we need from Him. God has placed Himself within us which means -among other things- that God experiences our lives right along with us. This is a wondrous thing because it means that God doesn't understand us simply because He is all knowing, but because He feels what we feel! The Holy Spirit acts not as a helper that pokes us along but as a force from within. He accompanies us and lends us strength through every moment of every day. He is there when we wake and when we sleep, when we pray and when we read, when we face challenges and when we accomplish much, He is there when we rejoice and when we cry. Our relationship with Him is guided by Him from without and within making His understanding perfect in all ways.

     Finally, we come to Jesus; God in flesh who not only died for our sins but lived for us as well. Often overlooked is the fact that Christ lived a perfect life on our behalf just as much as He died on our behalf. He lived through a human life -day by day- just like we have to, in order that it may be known that He fully understands. Beyond that His perfect life is accounted to us, exchanging our sinful lives for His perfect one. In God's plan He has made sure that our relationship with Him will have no gaps, no breaches in the wall.

“Therefore, my brethren, you also have become dead to the law through the body of Christ, that you may be married to another; to Him who was raised from the dead, that we should bear fruit to God.”

(Romans 7:4)

     It may seem strange to have a real relationship with someone that we never see or hear or touch, but in truth, our relationship with God is the most real thing we will ever experience. He is with us from birth till death, in every moment and every experience. He's more than an invisible friend or a comforting thought; more than something we bring out to impress our friends or sure up our courage during difficult times. He is not a ghost in our pocket, He is the companion of our soul.

Is It Worth It?

     I'm coming very close now to the end of my first full year of marriage. We have our plans and are suitably excited and I thank God for this tremendous blessing. As I believe I've mentioned before, I've always wanted to get married.  Now that I'm here I can say that it is indeed better than I thought it would be but also different than I thought. In my previous post “The Amazing and Wonderful Normal”  I talked about the surprising 'normal-ness' of marriage. How everything becomes just another day, and yet more than that.

     Here is where we get to today's point. Some time ago while talking about marriage, I had a friend ask me “Is it worth it?” I nodded and said yes at the time but as I thought about that seemingly simple question I could not help but think of the meaning it might have possessed. Was it meant as more than a trite question that everyone asks but doesn't really think about, sort of like “how ya doin'?” I've had some time to ponder and here are my thoughts.

     On the surface of that question it has to be said that yes, yes it is worth it. Whatever “it” is, marriage's worth surpasses. Whether time spent waiting, the resources used, the effort involved, all of it is worth the result. There are times when, during dating, it may seem like a whole lot of trouble and it would make sense to question the worth of all this hard slogging work. Believe me, if you're doing your dating right there will be times when it is work indeed. The interesting thing is that you can never understand just how worth it it is until you've been married for a while, like how we cannot understand the Word of God as we do until we are saved.

     Beyond that though, I couldn't shake the feeling that behind that question was another question, “Is it worth waiting physically?” This question presents a problems for me as I want to simply answer yes, it is worth it! That however, is hardly the point is it? Our bodies desire that physical closeness and they desire the culmination of that relationship; but we are commanded to be masters of our desires, to lay them at the feet of Christ as our Lord! So whether or not it's 'worth it' to wait, we are to be obedient to God and reserve ourselves to the one to whom we become 'one flesh.' This is what is truly worth it, obedience and submission to God. Not merely God as Savior but God as King of our lives. As David was king in Jerusalem so should Jesus be King in our Hearts, the master of His domain with the final say in all things. We as Christians do not have the right to weigh the odds and compare lists of pros and cons. We listen, we read, we learn, and we obey. That may seem harsh or rigid or even insipid but that is where we will find real meaning. Our worth was only ever to be in our relationship with God and it is only there we will find meaning today! Besides the pragmatic benefit or emotional worth of being able to give all of yourself to your spouse with no one else to lay any claim to you, it is simply of far greater benefit to obey the one who is Lord over all.

     Don't fall into the trap of trying to decide as if you had any power to make a choice. We know what God wants of us and that is all we need. The Christian life is not hard because we have so many choices to make, it is hard because those choices are already made for us and those choices go against the flow of the world. The choice you do have, the only choice, is whether or not you will obey the God who made you, bought you, saved you, and adopted you. The God who loves you. 

Is it worth it?  Yes.  Yes it is.

The Power and Purpose of Prayer

     Why do we pray? Much doubt is being cast on the importance and usefulness of prayer these days, leaving many to wonder why pray at all? It can be a hard thing to pray continually. You'll find that a million different distractions will creep up on you and you may even fall asleep as you kneel on the floor with your eyes closed tight. So why do it? Why fight against the current of popular opinion? Because to do so and reject prayer would be disastrous to our spiritual lives.

     I've heard it said that praying is pointless because God already knows everything anyway and He already has His plan and since God already knows everything about us we can't build that relationship. Of course this is all true but it's missing a crucial point. We are commanded to pray and God has told us that prayer is effective.

“Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.”

(James 5:16)

Furthermore, God does know us perfectly already but we barely know Him! The relationship we are building is not based on mutual lack of understanding but on the fact that we are woefully ignorant of our creator. Prayer is not merely time spent mumbling in the dark but time spent conversing with our heavenly Father. We're talking to Dad. 

     Similarly we don't have to keep our prayers constantly wordy and fancy, we don't have to use flowing speech and grandiose words. We can simply seek Him and talk to Him, tell Him about your day and what is bothering you. He is listening. Especially helpful is the knowledge that we don't need to perfectly articulate what we need for two reasons: God does already know our needs, and the Holy Spirit speaks on our behalf.

“Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.”

(Romans 8:26)

     As you pray, as you make it a habit of your life, you will see it's benefits. Prayer not only works in this world -though we may not see or understand how- it draws us closer to God and to each other. We need to keep God in our thoughts, keeping a “constant state of prayer”, carrying Him with us always and going to Him specifically whenever we can. Prayer defines a Christian in a way, unlike other religions of the world we are not simply repeating verses or chanting lines or paying homage, we are talking directly to God. After all, this faith we have is more than simply a duty or responsibility or a requirement, it is a relationship with our creator and savior. So don't give up on prayer, don't let it slip aside because you don't have time or don't know what to say. God is waiting to hear from you, don't make Him wait too long.

What Does it Matter Who God Is?

      How much does the truth matter?  Does it matter exactly what you believe about God?  Can't we all just have our own differing perspectives and still get along?  Well, yes and no.  We can get along with each other because as Christians we are told in scripture to live at peace with all men (Romans 12:18), but that does not mean that the truth doesn't matter.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but it is crucial that the opinion you hold to is correct.

One of the great things about Christianity is that it allows for so much wiggle room.  It makes it possible for people to have opinions and disagree on things without breaking fellowship.  We don't all have to have every little peg pushed firmly into every little hole to be Christians, but we do have to believe in Christ.  That's where the problem lies.  We can allow for variance of perspective and thought on much of what we believe but we absolutely must have our theology correct or we're simply not Christians.  That may sound harsh but remember, I'm not saying that everyone has to believe what -I- believe or what -that guy- believes, what I'm saying is that we all have to believe what God tells us and luckily the Bible is often quite clear; and when it doesn't confirm something definitively it usually shuts down the false thoughts rather completely.

If we believe in a Father that is not The Father, or a Jesus that is not The Son, or a Spirit that is not The Spirit than we are not believing in the Father, the Son, or the Spirit.  We may as well be worshiping golden cows in our living rooms.  Look at the early centuries of the church.  They fought against heresy so much that modern day scholars try and tell us they were just pushing down opposition and enforcing their own views; when really they were just stating more specifically what everyone already believed but perhaps hadn't put down succinctly until that point.  For example they debated the modelists who believed that God existed only as one but who showed Himself in three 'modes', namely as Father, Son, and Spirit but never at the same time and they were not distinct persons.  It became quite popular but the Bible again kills it due to several instances of all three persons of the Trinity appearing together; most notably at the baptism of Jesus (see Matthew 3:16, Mark 1:9-11, and Luke 3:21-22).

This isn't going to be a full description and defense of the Trinity, perhaps another time.  The point I'm making is that truth matters and if we're not worshiping in truth we're not worshiping properly.  God is not who we want Him to be, nor is He so vague that we cannot know Him with certainty.  We hear the old phrase used for Christian peace all the time “major on the majors and minor on the minors, namely that we shouldn't push so hard on the less specific things in scripture.  But how much time do we spend on the first half of that phrase, on majoring on the majors?  We need to study, to debate, even to argue with the people around us -always in love- but with the knowledge that how someone defines God will point them either toward or away from the one true God of the universe.

Recommended Reading:

The Nicene Creed

The Athanasian Creed

The Apostles Creed

The Madness of Methods

     We love a process don't we? Everyone has a twelve step program or three simple rules or five things you should know or whatever. People everywhere are constantly on the look out for the rules to follow to make their lives better. There is a problem with that though, namely that the Christian life isn't usually about following a process or sticking to a strict set of guidelines. There are rules of course and there are guidelines but the Bible actually gives us a tremendous amount of freedom in our daily lives.

     I've seen a few blog posts and articles both from Christians and non-Christians that lay the blame for bad things at the feet of some statue or ideology. One writer blames their youth for their failed marriage another blames the path they took to get there and others simply give up and say that the divorce rate is just the modern way. Well to be honest everybody is wrong. Not literally everybody of course but the point I want to make is that we love the process and the system because not only does it give us something to follow (we are sheep as you know - Isaiah 53:6) but it gives us something to blame when we screw things up. 

     For example, I read an article (http://www.thomasumstattd.com/2014/08/courtship-fundamentally-flawed/) where the author makes the case that the somewhat recent “courtship” movement is, as they put it, 'fundamentally flawed.' Now the author makes some good point and some not so good points but the thing I disagree with the most is that 'courtship' is blamed for the failed marriages that resulted in the lives of the people they knew and in the lives of others. I'm certain it contributed since what the author describes has some serious flaws but the reason those marriages fail -why any marriage fails- is because people allow it to. There are, of course, contributing factors but eventually the choice is made to end it. If we then narrow the field to marriages comprised only of two faithful Christians...what are you doing? Who told you to give up? Who told you that you could walk away? Does not the Bible tell us to make your yes 'yes' and your no 'no'? You vowed before God and man, you made a covenant, once you're in -you're in- and it doesn't matter what path you took to get to that vow or what your family was like before then or what baggage you bring to the party! The process isn't to blame, the steps aren't to blame, the rules aren't to blame, you are.

     We bring this desire for steps and rules into our general Christian walk as well. How many times have you lamented your lack of growth because you 'didn't know what to do?' What do you need to know? The process of sanctification is basically God changing you and you working with Him. It's somewhat straight forward, you pray and ask God to point out the things you should work on and then you read what His Word says you should work on and how you should be according to God and then you work on those issues! Excuse the wonky sentence but God has said that the Scriptures contain what is necessary for life and doctrine, why do we keep looking elsewhere for instruction? We aren't expected to perfectly understand everything, that's why we look for good teachers, but we needn't spend our lives trying to find the secret to growing in grace; read the Bible! It doesn't matter what devotional book you follow or whose teaching you study or what treatise you read if you're not reading God's Word and spending time in prayer.

"And keep the charge of the LORD your God: to walk in His ways, to keep His statutes, His commandments, His judgments, and His testimonies, as it is written in the Law of Moses, that you may prosper in all that you do and wherever you turn”

(1 Kings 2:3)

“The law of the LORD is perfect, converting the soul; The testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple; The statutes of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart; The commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes; The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever; The judgments of the LORD are true and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, Yea, than much fine gold; Sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb. Moreover by them Your servant is warned, And in keeping them there is great reward. Who can understand his errors? Cleanse me from secret faults. Keep back Your servant also from presumptuous sins; Let them not have dominion over me. Then I shall be blameless, And I shall be innocent of great transgression. Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart Be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my strength and my Redeemer.”

(Psalms 19:7-14)

     Remember that we are not ruled by procedures, we are not enslaved to steps, we are not chained by guidelines, and when you mess things up it's because of the choices you made not necessarily because you didn't have the right instructions. We lose a great deal of understanding when we try and pass the buck or lay the blame outside ourselves and our sin, and that can actually lead us farther from the truth than we were to start. Read God's Word, seek wisdom and understanding and discernment and you'll be equipped to make the right decisions apart from any program.

Neither Slave Nor Free

     Christianity gets blamed for a lot of things in society. I think more than nearly anything else though, we get called out for being racist and homophobic and sexist and a whole variety of generally unkind things. Unfortunately there is some basis to these claims as many people over the years have sought to use the Bible as a club to beat down those they didn't like or to control the people around them. In other instances, such as with homosexuality, we have people reacting to a societal problem in an un-biblical way, thus distorting the public’s view of God's Word.

     The main problem we have is actually two-fold: people judging Christianity based on the actions of people not acting like a Christian should, and the public at large having a very poor understanding of what the Bible actually says. It's a standard rule that no one talks about, you cannot judge a belief based on what people do in it's name. You have to judge it based on what it says, what it teaches. For example, the Bible says “though shalt not kill”; specifically translated that means “though shall not murder.” Basically we as normal humans do not have the authority to decide when someone else dies. Knowing that, we can know that any person or government going around killing people in the name of God is -not- following His Word! (And for those of you who might want to bring up ancient Israel and the killing of the Canaanites etc., remember that they were directed by God and that His message to them was verified by numerous unmistakable signs and miracles.) It doesn't matter how many people run around acting like fools with Jesus' name on their lips, the only thing that matters is what the Bible actually teaches. This leads to the next problem, a profound lack of Biblical knowledge amongst the general populace. People think they know a lot about the Bible but all they really know is hearsay or rumor at best. People in general don't know or understand what the Bible teaches so that void is filled up by what they hear, and the world says quite a bit against God and His Word. It is our responsibility as Christians to make known the truth of Word of God to those around us and around the world; sadly many Christians lack a decent understanding of Scripture as well.

“For 'whoever calls on the name of the LORD shall be saved.' How then shall they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear without a preacher?”

(Romans 10:13-14)

     The truth of the matter is that without these two problems, all the specifics I mentioned earlier clear up. We can't have misogyny and the rumor of it if Christians and Non-Christians understand that the Bible teaches men to love their wives as Christ loves the church and to care for their children. We can't have sexism or racism or any other 'ism' when we understand that God see's our souls and does not care about who or what we are externally!

For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord over all is rich to all who call upon Him.

(Romans 10:12)

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

(Galatians 3:28)

     Let's talk for a moment now about homosexuality. We get hit by this a lot these days, and in a certain sense we deserve it. The Bible is quite clear that practicing homosexuality is a sin, (Jude 1:7, Romans 1:26-27, 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, just to name a few verses.) But we are told as Christians to love our enemies and to love our neighbors (ie. everyone around us). To the world at large: I have to tell you that we cannot back away from the clear Word of God, we cannot except this “lifestyle”; and to the Christians living in this world: I say we have to remember to love these people like we should love everyone. One sin isn't any worse than another in God's eyes, all are equally damning. Let's do our best to work for the Kingdom and spread the truth -the real truth- of God's Word to the people around us and to do it in love and with a desire to save not to condemn.

“But even if you should suffer because of righteousness, blessed are you. Do not be afraid or terrified with fear of them, but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts. Always be ready to give an explanation to anyone who asks you for a reason for your hope, but do it with gentleness and reverence, keeping your conscience clear, so that, when you are maligned, those who defame your good conduct in Christ may themselves be put to shame.”

(1 Peter 3:14-16)

"Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.”

(Matthew 10:16)

"Rape Culture"

     There seems to be quite a bit of talk lately about so-called “rape culture” in the world. People of every theological, spiritual, and intellectual stripe are throwing around all kinds of explanations for this heinous act of violence. More often than not however, it comes down to the blame game. Some people blame women for “putting themselves on display” or “being where they shouldn't be.” Others blame men for thinking sex is due them or looking down on women or not listening when she says no. The problem with any one step explanation is the fact that this issue is more complex than that. Every situation is different and every rape has its own causes and its own victims. I will say this; ultimately 'rape culture' is a necessary result of a 'sex culture.'

     Put down your pitchforks please and let me explain that statement. The camp that blames men generally tries to do two things: point out the wrong mindset and behavior of offending males, and make all non-offending males appear to part of the problem simply because of their gender. The camp that blames women tries to make men out to be some sort of automatic machines that can do nothing more than react to stimuli; thus a scantily clad women creates sexual desire which the man has no choice but to act upon. Both camps are wrong not because they are inherently wrong but because the problem is both more complex and more simple than they would claim. Men are to blame because they are the perpetrators (most of the time). Many men do in fact have a horribly skewed view of women and that viewpoint plays out in their lives. Women are not to blame but are not without responsibility either, you cannot have your social cake and eat it too in this case. You cannot flaunt your sexuality and expect no one to notice, you cannot go home with a man you only met that night in a dark bar and simply expect perfect safety. The rapist is still the only one to blame, and in many if not most instances the woman involved did nothing wrong or unwise; but not always. Like I said, ultimately you really can't blame the victim in this kind of thing, the blame simply can't go in that direction, but the responsibility gets on all of us. The real cause behind a “rape culture” where women are afraid and every man is seen as a potential attacker, is sin.

“...although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Professing to be wise, they became fools, and changed the glory of the incorruptible God into an image made like corruptible man; and birds and four-footed animals and creeping things. Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves, who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen. For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful; who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them.”

(Romans 1:21-32)

     Part of the world's fallen state is the idea that we can rightfully engage in sexual activity outside of the confines of marriage, outside of the limits that God has put in place. We want the reward without the risk, the pay check without the work, the benefits without the responsibility. You see it everywhere in movies and music and books and TV and in the minds of the people you know, sex is a natural part of a romantic relationship. Even that definition doesn't work today as many people see it as just a recreational activity at best that requires no special relationship between the individuals involved. Sex was meant to be a benefit to marriage and a means by which a husband and wife bonded even more closely. Taking it from the marriage bed and putting on public display has destroyed what it was meant for and opened the gates for a host of issues that we now have to deal with as a society.

     When you have a population of people with no set moral compass, a people who believe that sex is something with no boundaries, no rules, and without even a final definition, you will have those who choose to simply take what they want. Rape is a horrible vivid picture of a very simple problem. Humanity is fallen and wants to remain as such. Ultimately the reason that some people are raped is the same reason someone steals or murders or cheats-they want it. They want it and they don't give a second thought to the idea that taking it might be wrong. The thief takes what they want, the cheat says what they want, the murderer takes the life they want, and all because of pride and sin.

     Women should not have to think of every man as a potential attacker because male society should be on the look out to protect those (of any gender) that are weaker than themselves. Men shouldn't have to walk on egg shells trying to appear safe and non-threatening at all times and in all ways; we cannot sustain that kind of life. Sin destroys what it touches, branching out and infecting everything connected to it. Our explanations will always fall short if they fail to address the simple obvious fact that humanity is desperately in need of a Savior.

**Note**

     For those of you who may disregard my thoughts because of my gender, after all what can a man say about this, know that I have a source for my perspectives. Someone who taught me what I believe and who has a very real understanding of it. Someone who shall go unnamed here but has every right to talk about it.

True Good and What Matters Most -Part 2-

(This is the part two of my discussion of the article found here: http://sojo.net/blogs/2014/08/18/what-saved-my-faith

You can read part one >here< 

From the Article:

“My faith was threatened as I began to question what else had been wrong about what I had been taught. As I edged closer to the perimeters of the church, all the time being drawn and inspired by the beauty and unconditional love (which I was told only existed within Christianity) I saw outside of her, the light from beyond cast even more shadows on the church. Darkness existed in the forms of misogyny, empire-building, anti-intellectualism, and systematic marginalization of GLBT persons; they were injustices coated with spiritual language — wolves in sheep’s clothing. I suffered through severe storms of righteous rage. I wept with the pain of marginalized peoples against the church’s exclusion”

     I'm bothered by the phrase “what I had been taught.” A Christian is taught things, of course, but we come to know more as we commune with God in His Word. I can't really know, but it just doesn't feel like the author has a relationship with God. The language of the article speaks as if Christianity was simply an organization or a movement (She even calls it a movement at one point). Everything we see, every feeling we have, every idea that is presented to us or pops into our minds needs to be taken to Scripture and analyzed. The author constantly refers to “the church,” but doesn't ever mention the Word or God. The church, its membership, and its activities are not what we reference for truth and they are not what we hold up as our standard. God has revealed in Scripture and through His Son what we are to be. It is through that light that we look upon the world.

     “The light from beyond cast even more shadows on the church.” Satan was an angel of light, and he works in distractions and misinformation. He deals in lies and untruths. That light may cast shadows but it's a pale sickly light when understood. You say you see misogyny? The Bible speaks against that. You see 'empire-building' and 'anti-intellectualism'? God tells us to love Him with all of our mind, soul, and strength and think of others more than ourselves. You see the church marginalize the 'GLBT' folks? Well what do you mean by that? Do you mean that we exclude them from church? Do you mean that we refuse to allow what is clearly a sinful life, one repeatedly denounced by God in His word into the body of Christ? Then yes, that is there and it will remain for everyone who holds the Bible to be true. We must love these people, they are no different and no more fallen than any others but sin is sin and we do no one any favors by playing nice and trying to 'reinterpret' the Bible.

From the Article:

“You see, I want all of the beauty. I want the irreverent, gritty honesty out there AND the deeply mystical sacred prayers in here. I want the pragmatic, scientific solutions for the world’s problems out there AND the earnest faith for the impossible in here. I want the big, huge tent that welcomes everyone out there AND the narrow road of life giving sacrifice in here. I want to glean the wisdom of the world AND own Jesus’ beautiful vision.”

Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

(1 John 2:15)

“Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.”

(James 4:4)

"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.”

(Proverbs 9:10)

Co 1:20 Where is the wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the disputer of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of this world?

     What honesty does the author think she'll find in a world of lies? Not that everyone is constantly telling lies but the prince of this world is the father of lies and humans speak his native language! Furthermore that 'big, huge tent that welcomes everyone' does not welcome true Christianity, it never has. Try it, go to that tent -so to speak- join in the hand holding and smiling, and then tell everyone that there is ONE way and one way ONLY that man can be saved from his sin. Tell them that the ONE true God CONDEMNS their sin and is right to PUNISH them. Tell them that despite that He sent His Son to die on their behalf and all we need to do to enjoy His grace is repent and OBEY. See how long they welcome you. This world hates us, some more than others, but all of it the same. We are not of this world and should not seek inclusion in it. We desire a oneness, we desire unity, but unity in Christ and oneness of Spirit. The kingdom of God is not one that exists on earth, at least not yet. The kingdom is not one we bring about, it is not one we help at all. God will do His work and we have the privilege of coming along for the ride. We do not seek a “better world” or a utopia, we seek Christ and Christ alone.

From the Article:

“The paradox in my spiritual journey is that beautiful people, ones who are overly kind, extravagantly generous, yet remain unassuming and humble — they threaten my faith and simultaneously save it. My faith, it teeters on again and off again, never secure, keeping me on my toes.

I will never stop being drawn outside of the faith circle, because selfish person that I am: I need to have all of the beauty. I can’t ever go back to the safe kind of faith, the one that is full of certainty and claims beauty only for itself. I want my faith to be fragile and vulnerable and dangerous, because without the risk of losing my faith, there would cease to be any need to save it.”

     The beauty she claimed to see outside, as if it only exists out there, is a facade. It's a remnant of the fact that as God's creation we can never be fully removed from the evidence of His work. I would ask why seeing people do good threatens her faith? Why does an atheist at a soup kitchen drive her to doubt? Is it because they're not a Christian? Is it because they're doing things she, for some reason, thought only Christians could do? The Bible tells us that all of our righteousnesses (apart from Him) are as filthy rags. It does not say we have no 'goodness', it only says that our 'goodness' is not ultimately good and by comparison is not very good at all. Frankly I'm concerned for her, with her faith so fragile as she says. We should not allow doubts to linger. When we doubt we need to use that doubt to drive us to deeper understanding. We need to strive for the death of doubts, not hold to them as some sort of indicator of higher truth. Our faith does not require saving. We do. I feel as if the author needs to be reminded that we hold to a faith that is sure in the storm, steady on the sea, and firm as a house built upon stone rather than sand. We cannot be led astray by the beauty of this world; a lost man can be confident but following him still gets you nowhere.

“For if, after they have escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, they are again entangled in them and overcome, the latter end is worse for them than the beginning.”

(2 Peter 2:20)

True Good and What Matters Most -Part 1-

     So I came across a blog post the other day, like we all do; someone I know posted it on Facebook. It sounded good, the title anyway, so I clicked away and started reading. Unfortunately the article made very few accurate points and quite a few doctrinal miss-steps. You can find the article here:

http://sojo.net/blogs/2014/08/18/what-saved-my-faith

     First the good. The author truthfully states that Christians ought to be aware of 'social issues', that we should be doing what we can to care for the poor and the needy. It's sadly true that in the modern age many evangelicals seem to be more interested in staying inside our castle walls and shouting than actually going out to the battlefield and lending a hand. We tend to vilify people and forget to love the sinner we see on the street. We've developed a “we are right and you are not” mentality that is far from helpful. That's true of course to an extent; there is only one way to God and we have been blessed by Him to be able to see it, but we forget that we didn't get here on our own. It is only the unmerited favor and grace of God that separates us from the unsaved. We as Christians need to be more loving and more caring towards those around us, we need to remember that the people pushing the world's agenda are lost, they need help and God will see about their eternal destiny.

“Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world.”

(James 1:27)

     Unfortunately that little bit of truth was only the backdrop used to almost vilify our faith and to promote a skewed view of God, Scripture, and of Christianity. The very first mistake made is in the second sentence.

From the Article:

“Through seminary, I learned to grapple with justice being at the heart of the Christian Gospel — dignity, equality, and right to life for all...”

     While these are certainly a component of Christian life, they are not the heart of the Gospel. The Gospel is founded on the idea that we don't have to receive justice, we can be mercifully freed from the punishment we deserve! The 'justice' the author promotes throughout the article is a good thing, seeking to help others around us, but is not the point of Christianity! The point of the Gospel is to see people saved, ultimately it matters very little how easy or how hard your life is here on earth. God cares for our lives, He doesn't want us to suffer, but if that's what it takes to make us more like Him He will pour out destruction to the fullest extent necessary. Our Holiness is what matters, not whether we have a roof over our heads or shoes on our feet or if we can read or if we can write or if others beat us down.

From the Article:

“It disoriented me because for so long I believed it was only through Christ that one can walk in righteous paths; that without the Truth (which had been so narrowly summed up for me in John 3:16), everything was meaningless. I didn’t have an interpretive lens to categorize beauty that existed outside of the vessel I was told contained the only beauty to be found: the evangelical Christian church.”

     The problem here is this, that beauty that you see in the world, those nice people who do what they can to help others? It's all fallen and apart from God. You say that you were taught that apart from the truth of God everything is meaningless? That's because it is! We live in a fallen, broken, evil age and nothing that springs up from inside of it can be ultimately good. It's not all horrible, it's not all sins and sinners, we see people trying to do good but it's all a painting on a dirty canvas. We don't need to be saved to “do good”, but we need to be saved if the good we do is to truly be good because only when things are done for the glory of God are they done correctly! What good does it do to teach impoverished children to read if they never read God's Word? What good is it to fight that others might be free from slavery if you leave them a slave to sin? There is no point in purely earthly endeavors, our help is only helpful if it points them to God who alone can truly save.

“And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever.”

(1 John 2:17)

(See part two tomorrow)

Respect and Honor

“Remind them to be subject to rulers and authorities, to obey, to be ready for every good work, to speak evil of no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing all humility to all men.”

(Titus 3:1-2)

“Bond-servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not with eye service, as men-pleasers, but in sincerity of heart, fearing God. And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.”

(Colossians 3:22-24)

     We don't like to obey and we do not like to listen. We modern folks think we have got it all worked out and that we are free first and foremost. It's my life and my choice, right? Well yes and no. I'm not really going to talk about the whole free will issue today, nor am I going to talk about obeying authority really; I'm talking about how we treat authority. How we deal with authority tells a lot about us, perhaps even more than our obedience.

     In the modern world and workforce there is a profound belief in the incompetence of leadership and a general lack of respect for those in higher position. When you're at work and the boss turns the corner do you and your coworkers immediately start to tear him or her down? I think this can be at least partially traced to the general sense of mistrust and even outright hatred for 'companies' and 'corporations' that exists in western culture. I think we also fail to show respect because we want to blame things that annoy us at work on somebody specific and out of a simple sense of jealousy. After all they make more than we do and have more power to boot. Who among us hasn't joked about the incompetent supervisor or the lazy manager or the overbearing executive? Should we though?

     Look at the verses above, Titus says “...to speak evil of no one...”, and in Colossians we are told to “obey in all things your masters...not with eye service...but in sincerity of heart...” In those verses we are shown a standard for dealing with authority. Note especially Colossians, sincerity of heart, we're are specifically commanded to do more than simply follow through on orders but to willingly and energetically serve! The Word reminds us that ultimately we are serving God, albeit through an intermediary. When we fill out that expense report, or send that fax, or clean that fryer, or take out the trash we have an opportunity to serve God in a practical ordinary way and be an example to the world as well. If every one of your coworkers is snarky and barely working and you have a smile and work joyfully, what does that say about you? More importantly what will that say about the God you claim to serve? An honest, sincere, and earnest life when accompanied by an outspoken and loving faith can be a powerful testimony to the world around you.

     Another thing to consider, as I said before, do you mock that boss of yours when they're not around? I don't even care if they are incompetent or lazy or not terribly intelligent, their the boss and God commands that we show the position honor! Titus tells us above not only “...to be subject to rulers and authorities,” but to “...speak evil of no man.” What kind of witness are you showing to your coworkers when you tear down that authority and do you think that the command to speak no evil extends to everyone except your annoying manager? I'm not saying that we shouldn't work to fix incompetencies or be insufferable brown-nosers, it's just that we are to live noble and peaceful lives while we walk this earth, and above that to be project the image of the invisible God to the eyes of men. Take care and think about how your behavior reflects on God and yourself. Maybe showing that frustrating boss some honor will inspire others to do the same and maybe that boss will work to be worthy of that honor you show. Ultimately though, we are commanded to show honor and to obey as to to God so to men. Remember we were all sinners and we are none of us perfect, don't look down on someone for their imperfections as if you were sparkling clean.

**Final note**

     Don't think that to obey authorities we should simply do anything and everything we are told to do. We are not slaves to men. Even those who were (or are in some places of the world) are first beholden to God. We obey up until the point those orders conflict with the express will of God.

“Peter and John, however, said to them in reply, "Whether it is right in the sight of God for us to obey you rather than God, you be the judges. It is impossible for us not to speak about what we have seen and heard."

(Acts 4:19-20)

"We gave you strict orders (did we not?) to stop teaching in that name. Yet you have filled Jerusalem with your teaching and want to bring this man's blood upon us." But Peter and the apostles said in reply, "We must obey God rather than men.“

(Acts 5:28-29)

A Simple Life

“And, yes, no doubt to others, our ways seem quaint. But today of all days, it is brought home to me: It is no bad thing to celebrate a simple life.”

(Bilbo Baggins, “The Fellowship of the Ring,” Directed by Peter Jackson.

Based on “The Fellowship of the Ring” by J.R.R. Tolkien)

     On Saturday we celebrated my second youngest sister's birthday. It was a good evening with family and friends playing badminton and Rock Band and just generally enjoying each others company. It got me to thinking about how much we appreciate our lives. I could have been born anywhere else in this world, some perhaps nicer and others not so much. God chose however, to place me here with these people and at this time. I think we spend a good deal of time making sure we know that our faith is not bound up in our culture and reminding ourselves that we are not owed the prosperity we have, but sometimes I think we forget to take the time to thank Him for where we are.

     I wonder if we are neglecting the real goodness of a simple life. Just think about how much we love our rock stars and movie stars and success stories! We love to hear about the glory or the fame, about the self-made man or the under-dog champion, the 'come from behind' victor or the last-second victory; but how often do we celebrate the simple husband and father, the humble wife and mother, the close family or the strong bond found there? These things are gifts to us, great blessings that far surpass the fleeting glory of victory or stardom. It is in this simple humble life that true joy is found and real life happens.

     It feels like there is no honor left for the man who provides. How many men are looked down on for just going to work and making their wage and providing a home? How many of us would look at the man who may work long hours, or spend his life in hard labor to give his family what they require and think “If only he'd applied himself more.” Are we wasting our time if we don't pursue 'success?' Do we ask if that man is happy? Do we ask if he's living as God would have him? Do we care?

“For it is said, Let the man who has a love of life, desiring to see good days, keep his tongue from evil and his lips from words of deceit:

And let him be turned from evil and do good; searching for peace and going after it with all his heart.”

(1 Peter 3:10-11)

     Even in our church culture we seem obsessed with superstars. Big name preachers and mega-churches fill the headlines and line bookshelves, but why? We hear so much of the “great men of faith” that we forget a very simple fact. There are NO great men! There was only one great man, and that man was also God. Men are small and fallen and weak, only God is great. What matters is not how successful you are or how well known you are or how much you know, it is not about how “great” you are, it's about how Godly you are! I will take a handful of faithful local church elders over a hundred 'great' preachers for there is much to learn from a life lived in faith.

“For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present age,”

(Titus 2:11-12)

     Take some time today to thank God for His blessings. Thank Him for the men and women in your life who don't have their name up in lights or their ministry talked about on the news, but who wake up every day and get about the work of the kingdom never looking to be known by anyone but God. Thank God for your life, your simple beautiful life.

“Finally, brethren, farewell. Become complete. Be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you.”

(2 Corinthians 13:11)

The Amazing and Wonderful Normal

     So you found a girl (or guy depending on who is reading this) and fell in love and all that jazz and now you're getting married. Yay! Let me tell you something I've discovered as a newly married man. Something I suspect most people don't talk about much. Married life is way more normal than you expect. I mean it, life goes from strange and new and exciting to normal in about three maybe four days. Don't get me wrong you'll have those shock moments when your brain suddenly realizes that you're living with another person and all that forbidden stuff is okay now, but for the most part life gets really normal really quickly. Your new life with your spouse very quickly becomes what's normal for you and let me tell you, it is amazing!

~From our first married Valentine's day. I hung it over my desk!~

     I don't in any way mean that by being normal life is boring, far from it. I've been married for nearly a year now and every single day is wonderful. No matter how exhausting work has been, or how much crap I'm dealing with, or how depressed I feel about my spiritual progress, I still come home to her. I cannot begin to describe how amazing that is. I've never been a terribly social person and having really close friends is not something I've had a huge amount of success at. Yet there is someone who looks forward to seeing me again, who misses me and whom I miss, after less than a day apart. There is so much meaning in just sitting on the couch and watching television (turning your wife into a fellow Whovian is quite fun!) that I can't even explain why it's more than that.

     Society is so obsessed with the new and exciting, the passionate and the intense, that we lose sight of the smaller better picture. Your love will transition from something strange, unknown, and even confusing into something familiar, and safe, and fantastic. Excitement doesn't die, and passion doesn't wane but that newness does. It steps aside and gives place to something infinitely better than excitement. Belonging. You belong together and to each other. 

     Again, I cannot begin to explain what that means to me. I've never belonged anywhere outside my family. I am not naturally someone who relies on or opens my heart to people. I didn't have many friends when I was young and as a consequence I tend to keep most people at arms reach because it's just so much work to make real relationships and you never can tell what people really think about you. In the back of my mind there's the very real suspicion that many of the people I know don't really think very much of me at all. Now I push that aside because I know it's baseless and just my conditioned brain being paranoid, but it's different with her. She chose me. She said yes, she said I do. She loves me. All my life I wondered if I would ever find a place where I belonged and I never really imagined it would be by someone's side. I could go on and talk about this more but really you'll just have to trust me. Work on your love and your marriage, never let it get pushed aside and you'll see what I mean. Love is best not when it's new and strange, but when it's home.

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing,

And obtains favor from the Lord.”

Proverbs 18:22