Marriage, at the Front and Back of the Book Part 2

*See part one HERE*

     Marriage is about a bond. A self-strengthening and mutually self sacrificial system that leads to the ultimate betterment of both parties. Here we see the major flaw in most people's thinking about marriage: the point of your marriage is not that your spouse will fulfill all your desires or “needs.” We shouldn't even really be thinking of ourselves; the majority if not all of our thought should be on making the life of our spouse and our spouse themselves better. One of the biggest things a Christian will face when trying to live out a godly marriage is that we oppress women by saying they have to submit to their husbands. People never seem to read the part right after that, where men are called to love their lives like Christ.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.”

(Ephesians 5:22-27)

     Yes women are called to submit to a fallible human man, but we men are called to live like Jesus! Which do you think is harder? Which do you think is more likely? Christ loves His church to the point where He left the glory of heaven and allowed himself to be brutally tortured and murdered, just to save us. Just to make a way for people who hate Him to live. And I get it, I do, you hate the idea of obeying. You hate that men have the “top spot.” Remember though, that having a position of leadership in the Bible does not make that person better than those who are lead. A wife who obeys her husband will give her husband less cause to fly off and try and control her through force and a husband who truly loves his wife will not seek to have dominion over her. I have the final say in my home but what that really means is that whether we find success or failure the buck stops with me. That is the weight of responsibility.

     These are all arguments that can be made and explanations that can be repeated and rejected as the case may be but really there is only one true reason for the attack on marriage. The real reason for the attack is because of the real meaning for marriage. Marriage is more than just two people chasing after happiness. It is more than a couple fulfilled by their union. It is more than two individuals drawing strength from each other to make it through tomorrow. Marriage -is- all these things but ultimately it is a picture. Marriage is a picture of God and His church. The family is a metaphor for eternity. Look again at the passage from Genesis 2. We see the man leave his family and join to his wife, the two forming “one flesh.” Flip to the other side of the Bible and we see Jesus leaving His Father in heaven and that the church is the joined into the body of Christ with Jesus as it's head. One flesh. The roles laid out for men and women are not their to set us against each other or to set one up against the other or higher than the other. We are here to show the world what God has done for His people.

     Marriage will always be under attack because it is a picture of God and man. In this one thing, this one amazing thing, God has set up a continually running example of His love for us. That image cannot be allowed to survive in a world that hates and rejects Him. That image has to die if this world wants to forget Him and ignore Him. Sure, there are cultural trappings and society has done great damage to the simple beauty of marriage. Sure we have made a hash of it in general and the record is not good. But these things are superficial, nothing more than dirt on the surface that can be easily looked past and cleaned away. You wouldn't throw away a diamond because of the stone that encases it would you? Just the same marriage is a scuffed gem that any one of us can clean and polish, leaving something of great and enduring value.

Marriage, at the Front and Back of the Book Part 1

*Sorry for the missed updates, today's post ended up being pretty long so I had to split it up over the weekend.  Come back on Monday for part 2!*

     Marriage is taking a lot of hits lately. Books and movies, magazines and television, blog posts and radio programs alike all seem to tearing down a once honored institution. Listen to the crowd and you'll hear how nearly every piece of this thing so many of us love is some hold over from a lesser time. I've heard it said that the wedding is nothing more than elaborate transfer of property, that the ring on her finger is a glittering brand that marks her as owned, that people can't honestly expect us to keep some silly vows, and a hundred other depressing critiques. The problem is hardly one sided but I see a common theme in that people look only at the cultural add-ons, the societal trappings that surround marriage. I don't know if anyone really talks about marriage itself anymore.

     People see marriages failing all around, they read the statistics they study marriages in cultures around the world. Its easy to see why so many fail to see the point in trying. The problem is that the statistics mean nothing and the numbers are just a blindfold so you don't have to look at your own short comings. Marriages only fail because those involved allowed them to do so. I've heard someone say that they can't honestly expect that they or their partner will fulfill each others needs in sixty years. I would ask why not? The point of the promise, it's power, comes not from the making of it but from the keeping of it. When I made my vows to my wife they were more than a hope, more than a dream, more than a maybe, I -vowed- to love, honor, and cherish as long as we both shall live. I'm not perfect. I'll screw up and fail a lot along the way but I will never give up and I will never let go. That is the point of a promise, it keeps even you in check.

“And the LORD God said, 'It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.'.....Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: 'This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.' Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”

(Genesis 2:18, 22-25)

     Before cultures existed and before a society was formed we had the first marriage. Man was created first and women mad from and for him. Not as plaything to enjoy, not as property to be coveted, and not as a servant to ordered about but as a companion. Adam wasn't presented with Eve because he needed something to make his life better, God gave them to each other because it was evident that it was not enough for man to exist alone! This truth is seen in the shadows of what we do today. Some say that when a father gives his daughter away that it is transfer of property. I say that it is a reflection of that first marriage, when God the Father gave His first daughter to her husband. In that moment God was giving Adam the responsibility of caring for His daughter, for His first ever little girl. It is not a transfer of property but of responsibility. And those rings that people complain about? Those pretty cattle brands as I've heard them called? Don't forget they exist on both hands! I am marked by mine as she is marked by hers and yes it is a sign of ownership and of belonging to another because we belong to each other and no one else.

“Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”

(1 Corinthians 7:3-4)

Love You Still

     We know that we need to love God. We know that He is worthy of our praise. I can't help but wonder however, if we base our love for Him too heavily on what He has done for us and not as much on who He is? It's natural to focus on that aspect of our relationship, it's easier to praise someone for the things they have done than it is to praise their attributes. Also, I think we find it more personal somehow to look to what He has done in our lives specifically. God is more than what He does and has importance greater than the providence in our lives.

     I feel a little weird talking about this because, well, because the two sides of this particular coin are admittedly close. What God does is intrinsically tied to who He is and I would say that it is impossible to completely divorce the two. I also would not say that we should not praise and thank Him for His gifts and works; I just think we should be careful not to base our praise exclusively on the fact that He does nice things for us. We may be grateful for our ability to sing but God was artistic long before our voices were heard, we may be grateful for our lives but God was living long before us and is far more alive than we ever will be, and we may be grateful for our family but God has existed in perfect relationship for eternity.

     In the Psalms we see a blending of praise for God's works and for His holy name. David penned songs that thanked God for the many things He had done in his life and for the wonder and majesty of who God is. This combination of perspectives is important. If we focus solely on either one we will end up with a skewed view of God and our relationship with Him. Solely thanking God for what He does for us can lead to a Santa Clause view of God and leave us expecting more and more gifts and make us upset when things don't go the way we want. If we only praise Him for His attributes we may come to think of Him as disconnected and too far away from us to really matter. A proper blending of both reminds us that He is great and mighty and we are small and dependent but also keeps us aware of His work in our lives and His love for us.

“This feeble faith of mine, wants nothing more than this;

to love You, apart from what You give. So take from me

the things You give if purposed in Your will, and I will love you still.”

-”Love You Still," The Tree

©2008 Julianna Zobrist

To Marry or to Stand Alone

     Well, tomorrow is the big day, Valentines Day! A day of love and romance and other gooshy, lovey-dovey topics. You might expect another post about relationships and marriage and whatnot but no sir! Today we are going to discuss darn near the exact opposite, singleness. I know, I know, kind of a weird topic given the time of year but I think its rather appropriate, so lets go!

     Marriage is such an oft discussed topic that I think it overshadows singleness, and that's understandable. Marriage is the picture used to describe the relationship between Christ and the church. A proper respect of our marriages is vital to our lives and one of the backbones of the church. That being said, I think we get so focused on the importance of marriage that we think that everyone should be married and that singleness is a lesser state.

But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord; how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world; how he may please his wife.

(1 Corinthians 7:32-33)

But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am;

(1 Corinthians 7:8)

     Paul points out that although marriage is a good thing, it adds to you a whole host of concerns that you did not have before. A single man (or women) is free to live wholly for God, but the married must give of themselves to their spouse as well as to God. This is the critical factor, we have done so much to promote proper marriage that we have neglected to encourage people to see if God would have us get married at all! Not everyone wants to get married, and not everyone is “supposed” to get married.

     Those who remain single have the opportunity to use their time and their efforts more freely for the kingdom. Think about how much you could do without a spouse to care for, provide for, and protect; how much work could you do for the kingdom if you didn't have to raise your children? Now I am not by any means belittling marriage and family here. They are wonderful things and encouraged by God but our message seems to be all marriage all the time and that those not married should be preparing for marriage. We should be teaching our young men and women (and the old ones as well, frankly) to almost ignore marriage specifically and learn to live for God! If God has planned for you to marry than He will make it happen and you will be all the better prepared for it if you are focused on Him! We are God's first and our spouse's second, that has to be at the heart of marriage and our singleness.

     So don't feel bad this year if you don't have an “S.O.” to cuddle. God has a plan for you and that may include marriage and it may not. In either case you will most fulfilled when trust yourself to Him first. Remember to use the time and freedom you have as a single person to do what you can for God and His kingdom. Who knows, out in the mission field may just be where you find him/her anyway.

On Love

*Sorry about the lack of updates last week, had a project that required my time, but now we're back!*

“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.”

(1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

     I'm going to be talking about marriage again today, it seems an appropriate topic given the soon to be arriving holiday. February is often seen a s “love month” so why not, right? I've learned some things to be sure but I have only been married for about a year and a half, so don't take this as the words of a master. That being said this is what I've seen and realized and learned after a year of marriage and a number of years in this relationship: love is magical, not magic.

     What I mean is that while love is an amazing thing that rocks the foundations of your world, its not what the world at large thinks it is. Love is not a single glance and a captured heart, it is not passion, it is not a need or desire or any feeling at all, love is not something that is outside your control (to an extent). We see it all the time, the story on the screen; two young people have a chance encounter and love explodes and they spend ninety to one hundred and twenty minutes stressing over it until they have a passionate kiss in the rain until the credits roll. It makes for a good popcorn selling flick but have you noticed that we never stick with them? We don't see their relationship a few days or weeks or years down the line. We don't see them realize that they have no shared interests, or that the guy is obsessed with his career or that she belittles things she doesn't personally like or understand. We don't see real people with the real personal issues that make relationships hard and love interesting.

     Love isn't a spark and an explosion, its a carefully built campfire. The wood and tinder and everything else need to be placed and maintained properly if they're going to burn for a long time. Long story short, love is a choice and a willful act not something that just 'happens' to you. That feeling you get when your heart is full and the world is a song? That's the result of love not love itself and in mistaking one for the other we've made a horrible mess. The love that is most true and stands the test is the love that is chosen once and every day.

     Men, this brings me to the real point I'd like to make today. We all need to understand that it is both easy and difficult to love our wives and girlfriends. We forget sometimes that its a daily effort to maintain a relationship, that its another full time job but one that is way more important than that which puts food on the table. Your love for her is hard in that your responsibility never lets up, never gives you a holiday, never really changes, and will never be fully understood. It's easy in that you don't have to move mountains to show her you care. Love is more often than not, I've found, to be a skyscraper built of Lego bricks; something great made out of a million small things. Write her little notes, buy her candy or a card for no reason, do the dang dishes without being asked! And above everything else, talk to each other! Ask her what makes her feel loved and do it! Love and marriage are exercises in self-sacrifice, you're supposed to be uncomfortable sometimes; remember that your perspective should be to make your spouse happy not vice-verse.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her”

(Ephesians 5:25)

Love, Because, Despite

When once we walked a weary road

Through hardship and through winter cold

When once the darkest night was set

and naught a single need was met.

Though we had journeyed long and struggled far

And still no closer to the nearest star

Though we had given all, offered all we had

We still found life was lonely, sad.

Despite our lengthy list of crimes,

impotent to pay the fines.

Despite the guilt we have had since birth,

He saw in us, essential worth.

Because of who He claims to be,

The God of all whose love is free.

Because He is the Way, the One,

Made a way for sin to be undone.

This God who rules the heavenly host,

Who built the world from peak to coast.

This God who knows the deepest sea,

Has love for even you and me.

Because our sin was vast and deep,

A bitter harvest we would reap.

Because of what we all had done,

We earned the wrath of the Holy One.

Despite how we deserved to die,

He sent us One to crucify.

Despite His unknowable and infinite worth,

God's Son came down to lowly earth.

Though He was here and perfect still,

We missed the point and chose to kill.

Though we threw away the perfect man,

We acted out God's perfect plan.

When nothing seemed to be at peace,

And darkness reined from west to east.

When sin would burn the whole of earth,

God saved us through a baby's birth.

by. Jonathan E. Schaefer

That Which Matters Most

“All the paths of the LORD are mercy and truth, To such as keep His covenant and His testimonies.”

(Psalms 25:10)

“But You, O Lord, are a God full of compassion, and gracious, Longsuffering and abundant in mercy and truth.”

(Psalms 86:15)

“Jesus said to him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.”

(John 14:6)

“Pilate therefore said to Him, "Are You a king then?" Jesus answered, "You say rightly that I am a king. For this cause I was born, and for this cause I have come into the world, that I should bear witness to the truth. Everyone who is of the truth hears My voice."

(John 18:37)

     I've heard it said, and quite recently, that the true message of Christianity is love, peace, and forgiveness. Isn't that a beautiful sentiment? Truly one of the most amazing things about what God has done for us is that He has loved us apart from -and indeed despite of- all the evils we have done. That being said, is love and all that really the central message and purpose of Christianity? From my perspective, I'd have to say no.

     Love is important, very important. Without love we would all have been cast down by the righteous fury of God long, long ago. Love is what spared our lives and saved our souls. Love is what brought Christ down from heaven in the form of a man to die for us. Understanding God's love for us goes a long way in explaining the pattern of history. Verse after verse of scripture is dedicated to God's love for His creation and our love for Him and each other. Their is a whole chapter devoted to love in the new testament and a whole book in the old about love! Yet love has its limits.

     Love is only good when it is informed by the truth. The less truth and knowledge we have the more superficial love becomes and the more we undermine its power. What good does it do to “love” someone and ignore their sin? How much benefit does someone get from being cared for, if we never share with them the gospel? God loves us and cares about love, but He cares about truth more. Think about it: sin was started, not with an unloving act, but with a lie. When the serpent tempted Eve it didn't batter her and stuff the fruit down her throat, it lied. The truth was warped and broken and cast aside and that act is what ultimately began humanity's descent into shadow.

     We must uphold the truth. If we do nothing else, this we must do. If we allow false teachers to degrade the message than people will not be truly saved. If they listen to lies and fictions about God, how will anyone come to know Him? If we allow the unskilled, ungifted, and untaught to steer our beliefs what will be the meaning of any of our confessions? Do you think God cares that we are sincere if we are sincerely wrong? Remember, we are called to abstain from idols and to worship only the true God. Idols can be made from many materials, including ideas. Those who teach falsely are not just errant preachers they are holding up a God that is not God, an idol.

     It is important that we love. Though love without knowledge and truth is powerless and ultimately pointless, truth without love is harsh, unforgiving, and merciless. We cannot allow a desire to love others to blind us to lies and to allow the existence of false teaching and pagan doctrine. We must confront these evils with love and a desire to save those captured by them. Love will save no one if uninformed and truth will condemn everyone unless softened by love.

“And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ...”

(Philippians 1:9-10)

“Love” Thy Neighbor

     Love is very popular. This has always been the case and I suspect it always will be. I think it's safe to say that most people think that if something has love in it, it can't be wrong. Love is a powerful and important force, something that can motivate and destroy us depending on the circumstance. As a Christian we get asked all the time: Why can't you just love everyone? Why do we have to judge others and make sinners out of everyone?

“And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.”

(1 John 4:16)

     The world seems to see the Christian's need to point out sin as being very unloving. We get called intolerant and hateful, bigoted and closed-minded, out of touch and stubborn. They ask us how can the love between two people be bad and why can't we just let them be happy? This world has a love affair with love but sadly, like a teenage girls affection for a celebrity, it's based more on what they think they know then the truth. To love as the world prescribes is to allow everyone their choice and to make no judgments and no comparisons, let us each find joy in whomever's arms we choose. The question is, is this acceptance really love?

“But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him.”

(1 John 2:5)

“Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world.”

(1 John 4:17)

     Imagine that you're best friend is terribly ill, terminal. He will die eventually, it's only a matter of time. Now further imagine that you hold in your hand the cure for his ailment. Now what would be said of you if you -knowing you had the cure- said nothing of it to your friend? This world asks for us to on one hand believe that all men are dead apart from God, and on the other hand to tell no one of their need for Him. They expect us to carry the cure for the only true disease that is killing billions and yet tell no one! Constantly we are told that we can believe what we want, just don't push it on others. They do not understand that to hold our faith properly, we must tell those around us! It is not hatred that compels us to bring light to the shadows where sin is hiding, it's love; or at least it should be.

     It's not love when you allow others to wallow in sin. Would you be considered loving if you let your brother or sister pursue an addiction to some life destroying drug? Would you be hailed for your great acceptance if you allowed a friend to continually rape and murder others because that's where he finds joy? In reality, society is more than happy to accept any sin that a man can do without hurting someone else; “as long as it doesn't effect me,” right? Real love will not stand by and let someone be slowly strangled by sin just because they wish for them to be happy! I love my family and my friends, but I would have every hardship and suffering fall upon them if that is what is necessary to lead them to God! I do not much care for someone's earthly happiness, not for it's own merit at least. Happiness will come when we are right with God. Anything else is a sugar coat on refuse, a nice new paint job on a derelict building.

     Christians should be paragons of love. But that love cannot be shown by sacrificing the soul of the recipient. Love is not a goal. Love is a choice, a means, an action; love is a verb. I don't care if your choice makes you happy if it also makes you sick. God is love. He exampled it and shared it with us as a gift and blessing. God also framed the right and the wrong. This great God of love is the King of creation as well, and we cannot promote peace by lawlessness. So no, I cannot just love my neighbor as you say. I must love them as God has said, by showing them the truth; by showing them God.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. "For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. "He who believes in Him is not condemned; but he who does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. "And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. "For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. "But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God."

(John 3:16-21)

'The' Original Sin

     Sin. The thing that separates us from God. We were created as perfect beings, way back when.  In the days of Adam and Eve they were without fault and in perfect communion with God and each other. They had no reason to be ashamed of who and what they were and all was right and at peace, until sin. Until the day that Eve was deceived by the serpent and Adam chose what he knew was wrong, all was as it should be. No longer. Now we live separated from God by sin, in this world tainted by sin, in bodies ravaged by sin, and doomed to death caused by sin. We cannot escape it.

     What would you say is the worst of sin? If asked by a stranger which of the many instances and examples of sin was the supreme example of its evil, what would you say? Perhaps murder, with so many lives having been ended by it; millions of people removed from this life and cut down far before their term in life 'should be' complete. How about theft? Every day and in a million different places people take what is not theirs and leave others without. In many instances this leaves the robbed desolate, as what was taken was precious and the one from whom it was taken had little to begin with. Maybe lying, since it's a destruction or a distortion of the truth? How many lives have been hurt or destroyed by a lie believed? You might even think blasphemy, after all what could be worse than spitting in the face of God?

     While all of these are good suggestions, and I am sure you could think of a hundred more, I would personally suggest pride as the true origin of sin. How is pride so awful? How often are we told in scripture to think of others and how often are the selfless held up as examples? How often are we commanded to show deference to God and be thankful for what we have? Pride is what tells us that others matter less than ourselves or that they don't even matter at all. Pride puts self first and others, a distant second. Pride screams ME, when God says others. Pride is the heart of every sin. The murderer puts his desire to kill over the the right of another to live, the thief puts her desire to have over the rightful ownership of another, and the blasphemer puts his own authority in place of God's.

"How you are fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! How you are cut down to the ground, You who weakened the nations! For you have said in your heart: 'I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God; I will also sit on the mount of the congregation On the farthest sides of the north; I will ascend above the heights of the clouds, I will be like the Most High.' Yet you shall be brought down to Sheol, To the lowest depths of the Pit.”

(Isaiah 14:12-15)

     When we stop putting others first and especially when we push God out of His proper place, we open ourselves to a whole world of trouble. How difficult is it to love someone when they aren't fulfilling your conditions? How hard is it to forgive someone when all you care about is your own hurt? Pride is relentless. When you think you've beaten it, when you think you've really gotten it licked, that is the moment you'll find that it has appeared again. In my own life I find it so easy for pride to get a foothold. When you scoff at someone for not knowing something, when you're angry at someone for inconveniencing you, don't you see how that's all pride?

“Surely He scorns the scornful, But gives grace to the humble.”

(Proverbs 3:34)

“When pride comes, then comes shame; But with the humble is wisdom.”

(Proverbs 11:2)

     God wants us to love others, even our enemies, and to think of them first. Like the good Samaritan we are to seek the good of those around us even when no one else is willing to help. Let us all pray for a selfless spirit and a heart that fights against destructive pride. If you work on being happy with what you have and remembering that you are just another sinner saved by God's grace alone, you'll find that the faults in others don't bother you as they used to and that your time is worth less to you. Pride is the opposite of humility and the enemy of a righteous soul.

“A man's pride will bring him low, But the humble in spirit will retain honor.”

(Proverbs 29:23)

“But He gives more grace. Therefore He says: 'God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.'"

(James 4:6)

Is It Worth It?

     I'm coming very close now to the end of my first full year of marriage. We have our plans and are suitably excited and I thank God for this tremendous blessing. As I believe I've mentioned before, I've always wanted to get married.  Now that I'm here I can say that it is indeed better than I thought it would be but also different than I thought. In my previous post “The Amazing and Wonderful Normal”  I talked about the surprising 'normal-ness' of marriage. How everything becomes just another day, and yet more than that.

     Here is where we get to today's point. Some time ago while talking about marriage, I had a friend ask me “Is it worth it?” I nodded and said yes at the time but as I thought about that seemingly simple question I could not help but think of the meaning it might have possessed. Was it meant as more than a trite question that everyone asks but doesn't really think about, sort of like “how ya doin'?” I've had some time to ponder and here are my thoughts.

     On the surface of that question it has to be said that yes, yes it is worth it. Whatever “it” is, marriage's worth surpasses. Whether time spent waiting, the resources used, the effort involved, all of it is worth the result. There are times when, during dating, it may seem like a whole lot of trouble and it would make sense to question the worth of all this hard slogging work. Believe me, if you're doing your dating right there will be times when it is work indeed. The interesting thing is that you can never understand just how worth it it is until you've been married for a while, like how we cannot understand the Word of God as we do until we are saved.

     Beyond that though, I couldn't shake the feeling that behind that question was another question, “Is it worth waiting physically?” This question presents a problems for me as I want to simply answer yes, it is worth it! That however, is hardly the point is it? Our bodies desire that physical closeness and they desire the culmination of that relationship; but we are commanded to be masters of our desires, to lay them at the feet of Christ as our Lord! So whether or not it's 'worth it' to wait, we are to be obedient to God and reserve ourselves to the one to whom we become 'one flesh.' This is what is truly worth it, obedience and submission to God. Not merely God as Savior but God as King of our lives. As David was king in Jerusalem so should Jesus be King in our Hearts, the master of His domain with the final say in all things. We as Christians do not have the right to weigh the odds and compare lists of pros and cons. We listen, we read, we learn, and we obey. That may seem harsh or rigid or even insipid but that is where we will find real meaning. Our worth was only ever to be in our relationship with God and it is only there we will find meaning today! Besides the pragmatic benefit or emotional worth of being able to give all of yourself to your spouse with no one else to lay any claim to you, it is simply of far greater benefit to obey the one who is Lord over all.

     Don't fall into the trap of trying to decide as if you had any power to make a choice. We know what God wants of us and that is all we need. The Christian life is not hard because we have so many choices to make, it is hard because those choices are already made for us and those choices go against the flow of the world. The choice you do have, the only choice, is whether or not you will obey the God who made you, bought you, saved you, and adopted you. The God who loves you. 

Is it worth it?  Yes.  Yes it is.

The Shadow of Death

     How do we deal with suffering? How can we understand the reasoning behind the hard times, or the necessity of struggle? The question is so often asked; “Why do bad things happen to good people?” As we journey through this life we often find more trouble than peace and it so frequently leads people astray. Is there any way to cope with it? The problem of pain is a complex issue, one not solved with a single paper or a pithy phrase, but we can spend some time today on a few hope-filled truths.

     Probably the most harsh answer to the issue of suffering, to the question of 'why do bad things happen to good people is this: they don't. Bad things do not happen to good people, bad things happen to bad people and we are all bad people. This is yet another instance of how having your theology straight affects your understanding of other things. The Bible clearly teaches us that we as a race are fallen from birth and are enemies of God by our very nature. As soon as we have the ability to choose we choose sin, we desire after it, we want to rebel. So as I said the harsh answer to the problem of pain is that we all deserve everything we get. From the lost job to the flooded streets to the death of a loved one to the death of ourselves; everything is the end result of a fallen world brought about by our sin. No one is innocent, everyone is guilty, we have no right to complain.

     That being said there are more comforting explanations for struggle. Growth for example. Going back to my previous statement, having a systematic theology helps you to understand the questions that arise in life. When we understand the nature of God (as much as we can as finite, fallen creatures) and the plan He has for us, we see that ultimately God is not worrying so much about our 'happiness' as He is our 'holiness.'

“but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct..”

(1 Peter 1:15)

“...just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love..”

(Ephesians 1:4)

It's not that the Lord doesn't care about our happiness it's that He understands the truth that we will not be happy until we are in Him! True joy will come not from constant pleasure, not from an easy life, not from myriad possessions but from a closeness to God! Even in the most dire of situations, in the darkest of places, we can have joy! Maybe not shouting from the rooftops and dancing in the streets joy, but the joy of lasting peace and trust in the God who guides our step and directs everything that happens. And we can trust Him, because He knows what we don't. He knows that the man in the pew behind you won't be made more holy by getting that new job, but that being unemployed for a few more months will teach Him to rely on God for his every need. That women praying at the steps of the stage won't become more like Jesus in some particular way unless her son rebels against God for another year; and her son won't learn to love God above himself unless he see's just what sin he is capable of. We wouldn't choose that path, we wouldn't choose these lessons but God knows what we need and since He cares more for our holiness than our 'happiness' He will rain fire down on the life that wants rain!

“But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.”

(1 Peter 5:10)

“In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood. You have also forgotten the exhortation addressed to you as sons: "My son, do not disdain the discipline of the Lord or lose heart when reproved by him; for whom the Lord loves, he disciplines; he scourges every son he acknowledges." Endure your trials as "discipline"; God treats you as sons. For what "son" is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are without discipline, in which all have shared, you are not sons but bastards. Besides this, we have had our earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them. Should we not (then) submit all the more to the Father of spirits and live? They disciplined us for a short time as seemed right to them, but he does so for our benefit, in order that we may share his holiness. At the time, all discipline seems a cause not for joy but for pain, yet later it brings the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who are trained by it.”

(Hebrews 12:4-11)

     Have you ever compared the sorrows of this life to the suffering of Jesus on the cross? Has anything you've gone through been like that? Has it even been close to even the physical pain of His death? I doubt that it has and I know that nothing you or I or anyone has ever gone through is even comparable to the suffering He endured under the full wrath of God against our sin! Our pain in this life is but a shadow of death. A specter of the true punishment we deserve. God is using these 'minor' pains to tell us something. If this is what earthly pain looks like, if this what temporary physical suffering feels like how horrible must an eternity in Hell be! If this is what it feels like to endure the wrath of men, how must Jesus have felt under the wrath of almighty God! God allows the shadow of death to cross over us in part so we can appreciate the sacrifice of Jesus and so we can run to Him for salvation. He allows it so that we would flee in terror to Him.

     Finally, as Christians, we suffer because we are not of this world. There is a promise in the New Testament that cannot be missed, Christ was hated by the world and so we will be hated as well. If we seek to live this life as God would have us live we will rub people the wrong way. If we show them the holiness of God it will point out how unholy they are, if we show them that their sins can be forgiven it will force them to look at the sins they have hidden or denied. We may not live a life of constant persecution but it will come from someone in some form.

“Yes, and all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution.”

(2 Timothy 3:12)

    I know that this isn't every reason, but it's a start. Regardless of the hows and the whys we as the people of God can find comfort in Him. He is our rock and our cornerstone, our redeemer, brother, and friend. He will hold us and keep us safe even in the midst of trials. We may not understand, but that is when we have to trust Him because He does know what is best. Pray for peace and comfort from Him, pray for those you see in trouble around you and remember that you may be the one that God would use to help them. When all the world is falling apart, God will always stand sure; and when everyone has left you, He'll be there.

The Madness of Methods

     We love a process don't we? Everyone has a twelve step program or three simple rules or five things you should know or whatever. People everywhere are constantly on the look out for the rules to follow to make their lives better. There is a problem with that though, namely that the Christian life isn't usually about following a process or sticking to a strict set of guidelines. There are rules of course and there are guidelines but the Bible actually gives us a tremendous amount of freedom in our daily lives.

     I've seen a few blog posts and articles both from Christians and non-Christians that lay the blame for bad things at the feet of some statue or ideology. One writer blames their youth for their failed marriage another blames the path they took to get there and others simply give up and say that the divorce rate is just the modern way. Well to be honest everybody is wrong. Not literally everybody of course but the point I want to make is that we love the process and the system because not only does it give us something to follow (we are sheep as you know - Isaiah 53:6) but it gives us something to blame when we screw things up. 

     For example, I read an article (http://www.thomasumstattd.com/2014/08/courtship-fundamentally-flawed/) where the author makes the case that the somewhat recent “courtship” movement is, as they put it, 'fundamentally flawed.' Now the author makes some good point and some not so good points but the thing I disagree with the most is that 'courtship' is blamed for the failed marriages that resulted in the lives of the people they knew and in the lives of others. I'm certain it contributed since what the author describes has some serious flaws but the reason those marriages fail -why any marriage fails- is because people allow it to. There are, of course, contributing factors but eventually the choice is made to end it. If we then narrow the field to marriages comprised only of two faithful Christians...what are you doing? Who told you to give up? Who told you that you could walk away? Does not the Bible tell us to make your yes 'yes' and your no 'no'? You vowed before God and man, you made a covenant, once you're in -you're in- and it doesn't matter what path you took to get to that vow or what your family was like before then or what baggage you bring to the party! The process isn't to blame, the steps aren't to blame, the rules aren't to blame, you are.

     We bring this desire for steps and rules into our general Christian walk as well. How many times have you lamented your lack of growth because you 'didn't know what to do?' What do you need to know? The process of sanctification is basically God changing you and you working with Him. It's somewhat straight forward, you pray and ask God to point out the things you should work on and then you read what His Word says you should work on and how you should be according to God and then you work on those issues! Excuse the wonky sentence but God has said that the Scriptures contain what is necessary for life and doctrine, why do we keep looking elsewhere for instruction? We aren't expected to perfectly understand everything, that's why we look for good teachers, but we needn't spend our lives trying to find the secret to growing in grace; read the Bible! It doesn't matter what devotional book you follow or whose teaching you study or what treatise you read if you're not reading God's Word and spending time in prayer.

"And keep the charge of the LORD your God: to walk in His ways, to keep His statutes, His commandments, His judgments, and His testimonies, as it is written in the Law of Moses, that you may prosper in all that you do and wherever you turn”

(1 Kings 2:3)

“The law of the LORD is perfect, converting the soul; The testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple; The statutes of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart; The commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes; The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever; The judgments of the LORD are true and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, Yea, than much fine gold; Sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb. Moreover by them Your servant is warned, And in keeping them there is great reward. Who can understand his errors? Cleanse me from secret faults. Keep back Your servant also from presumptuous sins; Let them not have dominion over me. Then I shall be blameless, And I shall be innocent of great transgression. Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart Be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my strength and my Redeemer.”

(Psalms 19:7-14)

     Remember that we are not ruled by procedures, we are not enslaved to steps, we are not chained by guidelines, and when you mess things up it's because of the choices you made not necessarily because you didn't have the right instructions. We lose a great deal of understanding when we try and pass the buck or lay the blame outside ourselves and our sin, and that can actually lead us farther from the truth than we were to start. Read God's Word, seek wisdom and understanding and discernment and you'll be equipped to make the right decisions apart from any program.

Neither Slave Nor Free

     Christianity gets blamed for a lot of things in society. I think more than nearly anything else though, we get called out for being racist and homophobic and sexist and a whole variety of generally unkind things. Unfortunately there is some basis to these claims as many people over the years have sought to use the Bible as a club to beat down those they didn't like or to control the people around them. In other instances, such as with homosexuality, we have people reacting to a societal problem in an un-biblical way, thus distorting the public’s view of God's Word.

     The main problem we have is actually two-fold: people judging Christianity based on the actions of people not acting like a Christian should, and the public at large having a very poor understanding of what the Bible actually says. It's a standard rule that no one talks about, you cannot judge a belief based on what people do in it's name. You have to judge it based on what it says, what it teaches. For example, the Bible says “though shalt not kill”; specifically translated that means “though shall not murder.” Basically we as normal humans do not have the authority to decide when someone else dies. Knowing that, we can know that any person or government going around killing people in the name of God is -not- following His Word! (And for those of you who might want to bring up ancient Israel and the killing of the Canaanites etc., remember that they were directed by God and that His message to them was verified by numerous unmistakable signs and miracles.) It doesn't matter how many people run around acting like fools with Jesus' name on their lips, the only thing that matters is what the Bible actually teaches. This leads to the next problem, a profound lack of Biblical knowledge amongst the general populace. People think they know a lot about the Bible but all they really know is hearsay or rumor at best. People in general don't know or understand what the Bible teaches so that void is filled up by what they hear, and the world says quite a bit against God and His Word. It is our responsibility as Christians to make known the truth of Word of God to those around us and around the world; sadly many Christians lack a decent understanding of Scripture as well.

“For 'whoever calls on the name of the LORD shall be saved.' How then shall they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear without a preacher?”

(Romans 10:13-14)

     The truth of the matter is that without these two problems, all the specifics I mentioned earlier clear up. We can't have misogyny and the rumor of it if Christians and Non-Christians understand that the Bible teaches men to love their wives as Christ loves the church and to care for their children. We can't have sexism or racism or any other 'ism' when we understand that God see's our souls and does not care about who or what we are externally!

For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord over all is rich to all who call upon Him.

(Romans 10:12)

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

(Galatians 3:28)

     Let's talk for a moment now about homosexuality. We get hit by this a lot these days, and in a certain sense we deserve it. The Bible is quite clear that practicing homosexuality is a sin, (Jude 1:7, Romans 1:26-27, 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, just to name a few verses.) But we are told as Christians to love our enemies and to love our neighbors (ie. everyone around us). To the world at large: I have to tell you that we cannot back away from the clear Word of God, we cannot except this “lifestyle”; and to the Christians living in this world: I say we have to remember to love these people like we should love everyone. One sin isn't any worse than another in God's eyes, all are equally damning. Let's do our best to work for the Kingdom and spread the truth -the real truth- of God's Word to the people around us and to do it in love and with a desire to save not to condemn.

“But even if you should suffer because of righteousness, blessed are you. Do not be afraid or terrified with fear of them, but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts. Always be ready to give an explanation to anyone who asks you for a reason for your hope, but do it with gentleness and reverence, keeping your conscience clear, so that, when you are maligned, those who defame your good conduct in Christ may themselves be put to shame.”

(1 Peter 3:14-16)

"Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.”

(Matthew 10:16)

The Amazing and Wonderful Normal

     So you found a girl (or guy depending on who is reading this) and fell in love and all that jazz and now you're getting married. Yay! Let me tell you something I've discovered as a newly married man. Something I suspect most people don't talk about much. Married life is way more normal than you expect. I mean it, life goes from strange and new and exciting to normal in about three maybe four days. Don't get me wrong you'll have those shock moments when your brain suddenly realizes that you're living with another person and all that forbidden stuff is okay now, but for the most part life gets really normal really quickly. Your new life with your spouse very quickly becomes what's normal for you and let me tell you, it is amazing!

~From our first married Valentine's day. I hung it over my desk!~

     I don't in any way mean that by being normal life is boring, far from it. I've been married for nearly a year now and every single day is wonderful. No matter how exhausting work has been, or how much crap I'm dealing with, or how depressed I feel about my spiritual progress, I still come home to her. I cannot begin to describe how amazing that is. I've never been a terribly social person and having really close friends is not something I've had a huge amount of success at. Yet there is someone who looks forward to seeing me again, who misses me and whom I miss, after less than a day apart. There is so much meaning in just sitting on the couch and watching television (turning your wife into a fellow Whovian is quite fun!) that I can't even explain why it's more than that.

     Society is so obsessed with the new and exciting, the passionate and the intense, that we lose sight of the smaller better picture. Your love will transition from something strange, unknown, and even confusing into something familiar, and safe, and fantastic. Excitement doesn't die, and passion doesn't wane but that newness does. It steps aside and gives place to something infinitely better than excitement. Belonging. You belong together and to each other. 

     Again, I cannot begin to explain what that means to me. I've never belonged anywhere outside my family. I am not naturally someone who relies on or opens my heart to people. I didn't have many friends when I was young and as a consequence I tend to keep most people at arms reach because it's just so much work to make real relationships and you never can tell what people really think about you. In the back of my mind there's the very real suspicion that many of the people I know don't really think very much of me at all. Now I push that aside because I know it's baseless and just my conditioned brain being paranoid, but it's different with her. She chose me. She said yes, she said I do. She loves me. All my life I wondered if I would ever find a place where I belonged and I never really imagined it would be by someone's side. I could go on and talk about this more but really you'll just have to trust me. Work on your love and your marriage, never let it get pushed aside and you'll see what I mean. Love is best not when it's new and strange, but when it's home.

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing,

And obtains favor from the Lord.”

Proverbs 18:22