Marriage, at the Front and Back of the Book Part 2

*See part one HERE*

     Marriage is about a bond. A self-strengthening and mutually self sacrificial system that leads to the ultimate betterment of both parties. Here we see the major flaw in most people's thinking about marriage: the point of your marriage is not that your spouse will fulfill all your desires or “needs.” We shouldn't even really be thinking of ourselves; the majority if not all of our thought should be on making the life of our spouse and our spouse themselves better. One of the biggest things a Christian will face when trying to live out a godly marriage is that we oppress women by saying they have to submit to their husbands. People never seem to read the part right after that, where men are called to love their lives like Christ.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.”

(Ephesians 5:22-27)

     Yes women are called to submit to a fallible human man, but we men are called to live like Jesus! Which do you think is harder? Which do you think is more likely? Christ loves His church to the point where He left the glory of heaven and allowed himself to be brutally tortured and murdered, just to save us. Just to make a way for people who hate Him to live. And I get it, I do, you hate the idea of obeying. You hate that men have the “top spot.” Remember though, that having a position of leadership in the Bible does not make that person better than those who are lead. A wife who obeys her husband will give her husband less cause to fly off and try and control her through force and a husband who truly loves his wife will not seek to have dominion over her. I have the final say in my home but what that really means is that whether we find success or failure the buck stops with me. That is the weight of responsibility.

     These are all arguments that can be made and explanations that can be repeated and rejected as the case may be but really there is only one true reason for the attack on marriage. The real reason for the attack is because of the real meaning for marriage. Marriage is more than just two people chasing after happiness. It is more than a couple fulfilled by their union. It is more than two individuals drawing strength from each other to make it through tomorrow. Marriage -is- all these things but ultimately it is a picture. Marriage is a picture of God and His church. The family is a metaphor for eternity. Look again at the passage from Genesis 2. We see the man leave his family and join to his wife, the two forming “one flesh.” Flip to the other side of the Bible and we see Jesus leaving His Father in heaven and that the church is the joined into the body of Christ with Jesus as it's head. One flesh. The roles laid out for men and women are not their to set us against each other or to set one up against the other or higher than the other. We are here to show the world what God has done for His people.

     Marriage will always be under attack because it is a picture of God and man. In this one thing, this one amazing thing, God has set up a continually running example of His love for us. That image cannot be allowed to survive in a world that hates and rejects Him. That image has to die if this world wants to forget Him and ignore Him. Sure, there are cultural trappings and society has done great damage to the simple beauty of marriage. Sure we have made a hash of it in general and the record is not good. But these things are superficial, nothing more than dirt on the surface that can be easily looked past and cleaned away. You wouldn't throw away a diamond because of the stone that encases it would you? Just the same marriage is a scuffed gem that any one of us can clean and polish, leaving something of great and enduring value.

To Be a Man

     It has occurred to many that the standard and accepted portrayal of men in our society is twofold: either as bumbling idiots, likable yes, but no one you'd want balancing your checkbook or running the house; or as selfish sex-craving misogynists who see women as objects or less. I for one have often railed as to the unfairness of these portrayals and how they do little more than foster the belief that this is all men have to offer. Worse still are those who see the undervaluing of men in our culture and simply don't bother to be more. Biblicaly speaking men are called to be more than this. We are to be leaders, teachers, guides, protectors, guards, lovers, and more. Despite this high calling for men we see very little of it in our world. I've pondered this problem for some time and although there are many reasons why things have turned out this way I'm left with only one conclusion: Men are portrayed as idiots because men -on the whole- are.

     It is not however, an entirely conscious choice. Part of the effect of the fall was to have men become lazy and women developing the desire to take their place. This wouldn't seem like a huge problem if it weren't for the fact that these desire did not replace the knowledge of our proper positions. Due to our fallen nature men don't want to lead, we'd rather take it easy. Many women would rather make all the decisions (because men are pretty dumb, right?) but still think that men “should” be commanding and in charge and confident. This creates a viscous cycle of anger and resentment that destroys many homes.

     Looking outside the home and into society we see that it is not simply a relationship issue. Men everywhere are deliberately casting aside “manhood,” choosing instead to adopt more 'modern' ideas of gender roles. Traditional “manliness” has been nearly vilified by our culture as chauvinistic and elitist, even so far to make chivalry a form of demeaning behavior! All this is a problem but the biggest issue really is that many men simply never become men at all. We live in a world where adolescence simply continues on through a boys life, he never grows up and he never moves on from childhood. How many “young men” do you know -guys in their mid to late twenties- who have never had a long term relationship, have never given a single thought to marriage, who still live at home, or who don't put any effort into creating a substantial foundation to their life? This is a systemic problem, to such an extent that we don't even see the issue. In my own life I can perceive parts of my thoughts and behaviors that I know should probably be...more that they are. Of course there are extenuating circumstances and not every case is the same but people these days seem to be terrified of really growing up and cling to youth as long as they can.

     I'm not going to give you solutions, I don't really have them. This is a thing that must start at home; husbands and fathers taking their place and doing things right. They will influence their children and so on down the line. Men were meant to be the cornerstone, the strength in society that held firm against error and stood up to the problems around them. We've lost that today and I think we're suffering for it.

“Be watchful. Stand fast in the faith. Act like men. Be strong. Let all you do be done in love.”

(1 Corinthians 16:13-14)

Neither Slave Nor Free

     Christianity gets blamed for a lot of things in society. I think more than nearly anything else though, we get called out for being racist and homophobic and sexist and a whole variety of generally unkind things. Unfortunately there is some basis to these claims as many people over the years have sought to use the Bible as a club to beat down those they didn't like or to control the people around them. In other instances, such as with homosexuality, we have people reacting to a societal problem in an un-biblical way, thus distorting the public’s view of God's Word.

     The main problem we have is actually two-fold: people judging Christianity based on the actions of people not acting like a Christian should, and the public at large having a very poor understanding of what the Bible actually says. It's a standard rule that no one talks about, you cannot judge a belief based on what people do in it's name. You have to judge it based on what it says, what it teaches. For example, the Bible says “though shalt not kill”; specifically translated that means “though shall not murder.” Basically we as normal humans do not have the authority to decide when someone else dies. Knowing that, we can know that any person or government going around killing people in the name of God is -not- following His Word! (And for those of you who might want to bring up ancient Israel and the killing of the Canaanites etc., remember that they were directed by God and that His message to them was verified by numerous unmistakable signs and miracles.) It doesn't matter how many people run around acting like fools with Jesus' name on their lips, the only thing that matters is what the Bible actually teaches. This leads to the next problem, a profound lack of Biblical knowledge amongst the general populace. People think they know a lot about the Bible but all they really know is hearsay or rumor at best. People in general don't know or understand what the Bible teaches so that void is filled up by what they hear, and the world says quite a bit against God and His Word. It is our responsibility as Christians to make known the truth of Word of God to those around us and around the world; sadly many Christians lack a decent understanding of Scripture as well.

“For 'whoever calls on the name of the LORD shall be saved.' How then shall they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear without a preacher?”

(Romans 10:13-14)

     The truth of the matter is that without these two problems, all the specifics I mentioned earlier clear up. We can't have misogyny and the rumor of it if Christians and Non-Christians understand that the Bible teaches men to love their wives as Christ loves the church and to care for their children. We can't have sexism or racism or any other 'ism' when we understand that God see's our souls and does not care about who or what we are externally!

For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord over all is rich to all who call upon Him.

(Romans 10:12)

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

(Galatians 3:28)

     Let's talk for a moment now about homosexuality. We get hit by this a lot these days, and in a certain sense we deserve it. The Bible is quite clear that practicing homosexuality is a sin, (Jude 1:7, Romans 1:26-27, 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, just to name a few verses.) But we are told as Christians to love our enemies and to love our neighbors (ie. everyone around us). To the world at large: I have to tell you that we cannot back away from the clear Word of God, we cannot except this “lifestyle”; and to the Christians living in this world: I say we have to remember to love these people like we should love everyone. One sin isn't any worse than another in God's eyes, all are equally damning. Let's do our best to work for the Kingdom and spread the truth -the real truth- of God's Word to the people around us and to do it in love and with a desire to save not to condemn.

“But even if you should suffer because of righteousness, blessed are you. Do not be afraid or terrified with fear of them, but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts. Always be ready to give an explanation to anyone who asks you for a reason for your hope, but do it with gentleness and reverence, keeping your conscience clear, so that, when you are maligned, those who defame your good conduct in Christ may themselves be put to shame.”

(1 Peter 3:14-16)

"Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.”

(Matthew 10:16)

The Importance of Knowledge in a World That Knows So Much

     I see a lot of articles and blog posts lately from so-called “ex-Christians” denouncing the horrible things taught in the Bible. The authors of these articles range from sexually repressed young women to domineering men to battered house wives and more. We hear over and over again the preaching of people now free from the grip of their families and churches who tell us that all of this religion stuff is so very very wrong. We hear all the stories of patriarchal worlds where men rule and can do what they want, where women are held to ludicrously high standards and men are free, where the church authority dictates our life, and where the Bible is used to back all of this up and push everyone down. I hear all of this, and it saddens me.

     To all the people beat down by religion, to everyone who's life has been crushed and manipulated by a tyrant wielding scripture, I am sorry. Sorry that you may never know the truth of God because these people have so warped your view of Him. Sorry that so many of you never thought to really read that Bible that was shoved in your face and see that they were wrong! There is so much sin in this world and so much hurt and so much wrong and none of it is worse than the pain caused by false teaching and warped ideology. The most horrible mask that the devil can wear is the one that smiles and looks like god. I pray that you would realized that just because someone says something is Biblical doesn't mean that it is. That merely quoting scripture doesn't mean you understand it. I hope you see that just being in authority doesn't mean you're always right. I pray that you can see past the false god shown to you and see the real Jesus.

     I pray for those tyrants too. Those people that we all love to hate, God simply loves. He's angry with them and they are headed for an eternity in hell, but He loves them. Those people who are leading so many astray and whose actions keep so many from God are themselves lost and astray. The father who dominates his family is not only missing out on God but he's missing out on his family. He is not loving his wife as he should for the Bible tells men in Ephesians 5:26 to love their wives as Christ loved the church. What does that mean? Jesus left the glory of heaven, he left that perfect place to come here, and live a life where so many despised Him, and then He died. He gave up His life unto torture and murder, for us. That's how Christ loved the church. He didn't just die for it, He lived every day for it. That man is missing out on his children. The Bible tells us in Ephesians: “fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” Not only are you domineering fathers not training your children properly when you present a false God and wrong understanding, you are instilling wrath and anger and bitterness in them.

     We as Christians need to know Gods Word so that when we see these things, when we hear people talk about their horrible lives in the world of 'christianity', we can respond with the truth. We can show them that yes, what they went through was wrong and the Bible says so! We need to be ready to defend the faith, not because God needs our help but because what people think they know informs their actions and if all of their facts are lies how will they make the right choices? Why would that young girl give herself to God if all she's ever heard is that God wants her to be pure so she can be the property of some man who doesn't have to meet the same standard? Why would that man seek to love his wife and be worthy of her when she's only property or a source of 'satisfaction'? How will the world see the goodness of God if it's hidden behind the evils of men? The world thinks that it knows so much. Most of us run around with a head full of headlines and blog titles and pithy quotes that we think are true but couldn't be farther from it! You can do better than that Christian, you have to. For the sake of those that don't want to listen to you, be sure you speak the truth.

“But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear;” (1 Peter 3:15)

A Simple Life

“And, yes, no doubt to others, our ways seem quaint. But today of all days, it is brought home to me: It is no bad thing to celebrate a simple life.”

(Bilbo Baggins, “The Fellowship of the Ring,” Directed by Peter Jackson.

Based on “The Fellowship of the Ring” by J.R.R. Tolkien)

     On Saturday we celebrated my second youngest sister's birthday. It was a good evening with family and friends playing badminton and Rock Band and just generally enjoying each others company. It got me to thinking about how much we appreciate our lives. I could have been born anywhere else in this world, some perhaps nicer and others not so much. God chose however, to place me here with these people and at this time. I think we spend a good deal of time making sure we know that our faith is not bound up in our culture and reminding ourselves that we are not owed the prosperity we have, but sometimes I think we forget to take the time to thank Him for where we are.

     I wonder if we are neglecting the real goodness of a simple life. Just think about how much we love our rock stars and movie stars and success stories! We love to hear about the glory or the fame, about the self-made man or the under-dog champion, the 'come from behind' victor or the last-second victory; but how often do we celebrate the simple husband and father, the humble wife and mother, the close family or the strong bond found there? These things are gifts to us, great blessings that far surpass the fleeting glory of victory or stardom. It is in this simple humble life that true joy is found and real life happens.

     It feels like there is no honor left for the man who provides. How many men are looked down on for just going to work and making their wage and providing a home? How many of us would look at the man who may work long hours, or spend his life in hard labor to give his family what they require and think “If only he'd applied himself more.” Are we wasting our time if we don't pursue 'success?' Do we ask if that man is happy? Do we ask if he's living as God would have him? Do we care?

“For it is said, Let the man who has a love of life, desiring to see good days, keep his tongue from evil and his lips from words of deceit:

And let him be turned from evil and do good; searching for peace and going after it with all his heart.”

(1 Peter 3:10-11)

     Even in our church culture we seem obsessed with superstars. Big name preachers and mega-churches fill the headlines and line bookshelves, but why? We hear so much of the “great men of faith” that we forget a very simple fact. There are NO great men! There was only one great man, and that man was also God. Men are small and fallen and weak, only God is great. What matters is not how successful you are or how well known you are or how much you know, it is not about how “great” you are, it's about how Godly you are! I will take a handful of faithful local church elders over a hundred 'great' preachers for there is much to learn from a life lived in faith.

“For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present age,”

(Titus 2:11-12)

     Take some time today to thank God for His blessings. Thank Him for the men and women in your life who don't have their name up in lights or their ministry talked about on the news, but who wake up every day and get about the work of the kingdom never looking to be known by anyone but God. Thank God for your life, your simple beautiful life.

“Finally, brethren, farewell. Become complete. Be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you.”

(2 Corinthians 13:11)