A Letter to Myself in the Moment

Dear Me,

     I know that I'm not necessarily “with” you right now. I know that you may not be thinking clearly and I understand that what I'm telling you may not be obvious to you at the moment. I know that whether you are home alone or going about your day, that you are doing something seemingly normal and yet you are fighting. You are fighting an enemy that knows your every weakness, knows your deepest fears, an enemy that never tires, never loses focus, never doubts, an enemy that hates you more than you can comprehend and wants desperately for you to fail. Worse still you are also fighting yourself.

     I know that your judgment isn't currently at it's best and though you want to win this fight you grow more and more tired with every blow exchanged. I know that there is a voice trying to convince you that what you know to be wrong is anything but, or that it will be okay this one time. The voice tells you that you are weak, it reminds you of every time you have failed and every battle lost. It asks you why you should bother fighting. I know that in the midst of the battle it can all seem so impossible. The lure of the enemy seems so right and their voice so loud that you can barely hear me, can barely hear God. I know that your flesh is a traitor. Your own urges and desires are a turncoat working with your foe to pull you down. I know the outlook is bleak.

     I know all these things but I also know something that you may find difficult to remember as you struggle to lift your sword: the war is over. Th enemy screams and yells to distract you, to keep you from seeing that he has no sword and no shield; his fangs are long since broken and his oily tongue says nothing but lies.

     I implore you, me, for both our sakes, remember who has bought you! Remember that your chains are broken and your slave debt paid. Remember that Jesus has paid for your freedom in blood and that you never need to listen to your old masters again. Remember that the old man may writhe and struggle within you but he is already dead! Remember that you need not, indeed dare not, rely on your own strength. Remember that the spirit of God is there within you with all the power you need and more to win the day. Don't waste time fumbling with useless weapons or futilely raising your wooden shield, turn to your heavenly Father and scream for the help that only He can give! In Him and His strength will you find the victory, in Him alone is the battle won.

     Remember this please, for if you forget it during the fray you -will- fall and when next we meet it will not be in gratitude and praise to God but with with the knowledge that you had no reason for defeat and every assurance of victory. You know that I will remind you of these things. You are not alone. Though you may not hear me when the battle joins, remember these words, and live.

Not Today but Tomorrow

     Are we afraid to be different? How many times have you kept your mouth shut when you should have preached because you were concerned about the reaction your words may cause? How many times have we all fretted over the possible loss of friendships or a suddenly uncomfortable work environment? Many of us are frozen over concern for our public image and unable to act as we should.

     It's understandable really. Humans are social creatures and we attach a great deal of significance to our relationships. Any effect we have on those connections can have serious repercussions in our daily lives. So yeah, the concern makes sense but it still doesn't matter. Once again it really all comes down to selfishness. Remember that the friend you don't want to offend is a lost soul headed to hell. That co-worker who might not like you anymore is God-hating wretch just like you used to be. If we really care about these people at all we need to tell them about Jesus! If we're keeping to ourselves the very thing they need because WE don't want to be uncomfortable...what does that say about us?

     One of the major components of our faith is self sacrifice. Ours is not a life spent on gathering inward but one of giving outward. We need to be selfless not selfish and that means letting go of our public image and social comfort. Think back to the apostles and early church fathers, they were beaten and imprisoned, accused and insulted, dragged around cities and stoned, all for the sake of the message of Christ. They didn't care about their reputation or how many friends they had, all they cared about was getting the Gospel into the ears and minds and hearts of as many people as possible. They gladly endured trials and rejoiced that they were considered worthy enough to suffer even a fraction of what Jesus went through.

     Remember that we don't live this life seeking for the rewards we can enjoy now, we are working towards eternity. Yes, things may be hard now, they may get difficult, they may hurt, they may be scary, or uncomfortable, but no matter how dark things may get for you the promise of Heaven is brighter by far! That is the hope that we look to, that is the promise that drives us. To be with God for eternity in a place that never spoils or fades and where suffering is a thing long forgotten. Don't be afraid of an uncomfortable today when tomorrow is guaranteed to be amazing.

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us."

(Romans 8:18)

Strength for the Day

     I don't know about you but I'm caught between the idea that I should be using my time for something constructive and the unavoidable truth that I'm not using my time for anything particularly useful. I don't have a fantastic job, heck I don't even have a single full time job, so there's enormous pressure to change that. Then beyond the pure pragmatism of simply getting a “better” job there's the haunting shadow of the ideal. The ghost of that dream that may never exist in your future that still manages to haunt you here in the present. Mix all this together with the modern idea of “success,” a good dose of classic male ego, and all the struggles that go along with the life of a Christian man and it can be pretty crushing and just flat out exhausting.

     I struggle with this. I struggle with this a lot. I mean -a lot- a lot. Sometimes it feels like if I'm not spending every free moment I have to make myself better for my family, or to do something for God's Kingdom, or actually writing that book I talk about, or ...whatever, than I'm just being selfish and lazy and ultimately failing at this life. I can't tell you how tired I am sometimes...

     These times, when I'm just so tired; these times when I don't want to go to work tomorrow because I feel like running away from it all and be free; these times are when I remember that my strength may not be sufficient but God's is. It is in these times that I am reminded that when He says that He strengthens us He doesn't just mean for the big task at hand. God gives us the strength to take that first breath in the morning, to get out of bed, to keep going one step at a time. It is in these times that I remember that I desperately need Him if I'm going to even try to live today.

     This man, this flesh and blood that the world sees is so very far past useless. I wonder how many of us realize this? I wonder if I really understand it. As Paul Washer likes to say, “There are no great men of God. There are only small, weak, sinful men of a Great and Holy God.” Time and time again I am confronted with the reality that I just...can't. Can't what? Anything, everything, I just can't. But I do. I get up every day for His compassion is renewed every morning. I don't need persecution or turmoil to break me, life is enough. I don't need tragedy to show me my need for God when I have the mirror staring at me every day!

     A piece of treated canvas can keep you dry, can keep you warm, can provide a place of safety in the storm. That canvas can do a lot but without a few tent-poles to hold it up and keep it in shape you'll find it is far less useful. I don't know if I have answers to my own inner problems, only that I need to pray. I need to read the Word, I need to seek God in the small things as well as in the big things. We were never promised that this life would be easy or that we would understand it. It's not, but I live for the day when it is. Someday the veil that separates us will be more than torn it will be cast aside and God will walk with men again! In that day all of my small struggles and all the tears of my brothers and sisters who have faced so much more will be gone! There will be peace, finally, peace.

“The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen.”

(Revelation 22:21)

The War Around Us

     Nothing is easy or so they say. Life is a struggle and everything worth having means work. The Christian life is no different, though we would prefer it so. Our sin nature nags us continually, just waiting for our guard to drop. The world around us tempts and pulls us in a million different directions; each one promising to be better or more exciting than the path that God has set us on. Evil men and women lie and deceive to lure us away and Satan and his minions throw innumerable obstacles in our way. The odds seem horribly stacked against us.

     We often forget, in our cozy western civilization world, that the life of a Christian is the life of a soldier. We are at war! If you are a member of the body of Christ you are a soldier, period. You may be an unprepared soldier, a good soldier, a lazy soldier, or a flat-out bad soldier, but you are a soldier nonetheless! Do not let yourself think that life will be easy or comfortable at all times. Like any war there will be lulls, there will be times when the battle lessens in its ferocity but rest assured the fighting will begin again! We cannot allow comfort or ease to trick us into lowering our shields.

"When I have brought them to the land flowing with milk and honey, of which I swore to their fathers, and they have eaten and filled themselves and grown fat, then they will turn to other gods and serve them; and they will provoke Me and break My covenant.”

(Deuteronomy 31:20)

     Look to the Old Testament, to ancient Israel. It was when they grew comfy in the promised land that they ran into problems. Not when they were surrounded by enemies, not when they were new to the fulfillment of God's promises, not when they had miles to march and cities to take, but when they were home with a stomach full of food and a place to sleep at night. Israel, like ourselves, tended to only remember their need for God when it was physically obvious. We must be aware that the war never stops and though things be easier for the moment, we still need God for everything.

For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,

(2 Corinthians 10:3-5)

     Luckily we do not fight alone. We have God's words in the Bible and The Spirit of God in our hearts. We have what we need to win the fight, the weapons and armor required to be victorious; we just need to take them up. God fights for His own and the victory is His. The war is already finished, we just have to make it through all the battles and get to the end. Again, don't get complacent and don't complain when the going gets tough. We face a defeated enemy who won't admit his loss. Swords and shields up people, this is going to be rough.

More Than Humanity 3: Strength From God

     We can't fight on our own. When we face temptation, when we run up against a choice to either live faithfully or fleshly, when those moments come and we fail, it's because we tried to do battle on our own strength. We're only human and so we lack the ability to succeed in a war against evil if for no other reason than evil is within us! We are born of shadow and will run from the light given the slightest chance. Thanks to Jesus' redemptive work we aren't “cured” from sin but brought from death to life; not sick men made better but dead men made alive. We need God to get us through those difficult moments.

     Our example in this, like in all things, is Jesus. We see in the pages of scripture that while He was on earth He limited Himself. He did not exercise the full range of His Godhood so as to be a proper example and a fit sacrifice. When we see Jesus perform miracles, we often see Him praying before hand asking for these miracles from the Father. Jesus, just like we must do, sought the Father and relied on the Spirit to do what He needed to do. The primary example for our discussion today is Jesus temptation in the wilderness (Matthew 4:1-10).

     The devil appears and presents Jesus with several scenarios, different forms or avenues of temptation designed to push Jesus away into sin. It's quite fascinating that no where does Jesus simply tell satan to bugger off or even cast Him away; this of course is well within His power and authority as a part of the God-head. What Jesus does do is use the Word of God. Each time He is presented with a temptation He replies with a piece of Scripture. Jesus knew in that time that no lies can supplant the pure truth of God and that we find that truth in the Word given to us. Again, He didn't simply cast satan away but used the same resources we have available to us: the Word of God and the Holy Spirit.

     We need to learn, to train ourselves to go to God and His word when we are under temptation. More than that we need to ask God to keep us aware of what's going on around us, to make us sensitive to temptation so that we recognize it when it rears its ugly head. If we continue to rely on our own strength we will never see anything more than failure. We were dead before, and dead men cannot fight a war; if we cut ourselves off from that which makes us alive in the first place what do we think will happen?

The Power and Presence of Sin

     We've all been through times when we struggle with sin. Some of us go through years of failure and rallying and failure again; an ongoing battle that saps our strength and weakens our resolve. We start questioning our faith, our salvation, and some even question God. Others spend their lives concerned and worried because of a misunderstanding of what sin is. Distracted and mislead by poor theology and faulty understanding, they fail to find either true victory or substantial progress in sanctification.

     First of all, it's vital that we understand what sin is exactly. Sin is not a foreboding sense of evil or a curse upon mankind. The curse we are under is the result of sin, not sin itself; if anything you might call it “natural sin” but I think a more accurate term is “natural evil.” Sin isn't a cursed object or an unhealthy social connection, it's not about your choice of vocabulary or clothes, it's not about what days you venerate or what days you don't venerate. Sin is choice and will. The reason that objects and things can't be “evil” is because they have no will, no power to choose or take action. This destroys so many popular and illusory myths regarding evil numbers or things or places. Only mankind is capable of sin because only we are capable of choice (and angels too really, but that's another post). We are not made evil by evil falling down upon us but by what we are and what we do.

“When He had called the multitude to Himself, He said to them, "Hear and understand: Not what goes into the mouth defiles a man; but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a man."

(Matthew 15:10-11)

     Knowing this is helpful in our day to day but it's not the end of the story. From what I just said you may be lead to believe that actions -alone- are sin. You would be wrong. Actions are the visible manifestation of sin but they do not have a monopoly on it. As Jesus said our sin was sin long before it came out into the world.

"You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment.' "But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment. And whoever says to his brother, 'Raca!' shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, 'You fool!' shall be in danger of hell fire.... You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not commit adultery.' "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

(Matthew 5:21-22, 27-28)

So we see that the thoughts of our minds and the movements of our hearts are sin first and the actions that may or not follow them are only a further accusation against us. We must seek to give our thoughts and feelings over to God and then our actions will follow them.

     This brings us to an important question and an important point: why then, as a Christian, do I continue to sin? If I am made new by the blood of the Christ how can sin still have power over me? This is because we have been freed from sin's authority and sin's result but not its presence. We still linger in this fallen flesh and in this cursed world. God is not capable of being tempted, not because Satan can't walk up to Him (so to speak) and try and egg Him on. Satan is of course welcome to waste his time but since there is no inclination within God toward sin, He will never sin! We however, continue with our new life in our old bodies. The hand is washed, you could say, but the puppet is still dirty and broken. Here then is the wonder of the end of days, of our glorification: we will be free not only from the power and the penalty of sin but also from its presence; both without and within. We still sin now not because the world continues to tempt us (which it does) but because there still exists within this fallen flesh the desire to rebel. When history is finally at its end and God brings about the final glorification of His people, we will be like Him in the sense that that leaning toward evil will be gone from us!

“Behold, I tell you a mystery. We shall not all fall asleep, but we will all be changed, in an instant, in the blink of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. For that which is corruptible must clothe itself with incorruptibility, and that which is mortal must clothe itself with immortality. And when this which is corruptible clothes itself with incorruptibility and this which is mortal clothes itself with immortality, then the word that is written shall come about: "Death is swallowed up in victory.”

(1 Corinthians 15:51-54)

     I cannot wait for that day. When I no longer have to fight myself for control, when I need not fear disappointing my Lord and my God. This world is a struggle, a battle for control and for purity, but its a battle already won. We may see losses and failed fights as we go through our lives but just check the back of the Book, we win! Remember then, that sin is a force that destroys from within and that God is the one who cleanses and redeems, strengthens and saves.

Strength for the Moment

     Your average human is not particularly powerful. Oh sure, some of us are stronger than others, and still others are stronger still. We have body builders and weight lifters with rippling muscles and taught skin. Ultimately though, that strength is lacking. We all grow old and frail or come upon a task that is just too much for our limited muscles. And what about strength beyond the physical? How do we deal with pain, overcome hardship, or endure struggle? How do you measure that strength or how do you increase it? How do you work out a muscle that does not exist?

     The Christian understands that our true strength is not of ourselves. We can go only so far and so long on our own steam and that power we do have is pretty limited. However, we are not alone. God promises to provide us the strength to carry on, to continue, to conquer. It is in Him that we find true strength and the power to persevere. Though we are called to be meek we are not called to be weak. Meekness is strength under control, power properly guided. This world and all of its issues haven't got a thing that can threaten us as we lie in the hands of God. We needn't be afraid.

“For God did not give us a spirit of cowardice but rather of power and love and self-control. So do not be ashamed of your testimony to our Lord, nor of me, a prisoner for his sake; but bear your share of hardship for the gospel with the strength that comes from God.”

(2 Timothy 1:7-8)

     Whatever we do over the course of our lives, God is right there with us. Now if we are doing wrong that should frighten you since your actions sure aren't hidden. If your life is guided by His will however, His presence with you is a source of confidence! Our decisions can be made boldly when we understand that God is there in the details. God's plan for our lives is all inclusive and totally encompassing but it is also not for us to know. He has told us what He wants in His word, namely to love Him with all that we have. Every other choice is up to us to make and weigh against scripture. And I know that He does know those choices and has already incorporated them into the grand design but I'm talking about things from our perspective. So don't fear! Pray, read, consult those close to you and then take that first step!

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

(Philippians 4:13)

     Furthermore, our enemies may be powerful but only when compared to ourselves. When measured against the might of God all their vaunted power is nothing at all. The world, the flesh, and the devil; these things need not be a source of worry or of fear. God fights for you! Really I suppose a more accurate way to understand it is that all sources of evil and pain our on a leash, going no further than their line allows. Look at ancient Israel, when they stood with God and obeyed they were unstoppable. Their comparably tiny army of normal men destroyed the military might of vastly superior forces. The size of the army and the skill of the warrior means little when backed by the power of God.

“Finally, draw your strength from the Lord and from his mighty power. Put on the armor of God so that you may be able to stand firm against the tactics of the devil. For our struggle is not with flesh and blood but with the principalities, with the powers, with the world rulers of this present darkness, with the evil spirits in the heavens. Therefore, put on the armor of God, that you may be able to resist on the evil day and, having done everything, to hold your ground. So stand fast with your loins girded in truth, clothed with righteousness as a breastplate, and your feet shod in readiness for the gospel of peace.”

(Ephesians 6:10-15)

“...God is our refuge and our strength, an ever-present help in distress. Thus we do not fear, though earth be shaken and mountains quake to the depths of the sea, Though its waters rage and foam and mountains totter at its surging. The LORD of hosts is with us; our stronghold is the God of Jacob..”

(Psalms 46:1-3)

     Finally we know that God is with us in our tomorrows. Despite all the reassurance, despite all the calming truth, life can get really hard. We do have to encounter sorrow, deal with pain, battle adversity, and resist death. These are real issues and real problems that we face every day. God isn't leaving us here though, not alone, and not forever. The church has a hope that no one else can claim, a future free of despair. After the long years of our lives are spent we will find the gates to heaven open and eternity waiting for us full of joy and peace. We can make through today because tomorrow will come, a new day will dawn, and the Son has already risen.

“On you I depend since birth; from my mother's womb you are my strength; my hope in you never wavers.”

(Psalms 71:6)

Prayer and the Power to Change

     Whether it's a physical issue, a personality quirk or a continuing sin, everyone has something they don't like about themselves. It can be hard to see a way around these issues, and even more difficult planning our route past them. Sometimes it feels like we're lost on the sea with no direction. How can we become more than what we are? How can we remove or fix something that is an inherent part of ourselves? To be honest we can't, not alone. Humans are fluid, we have the ability to make small changes in the pattern of our behavior, to build new habits and ways of living, but we lack the ability to truly change in a way that matters eternally.

     It surprises me how little we tend to equate personal change with salvation. The most significant change in our lives is that of sinner to son, from enemy of God to friend. Why so many of us (myself included sometimes) simply don't think of going to God for help with other changes is astounding. If nothing else the process of our perfection (known as progressive sanctification) is something we need God to be involved in, actually sorry that's backwards. We need to pray, asking God to make sure WE'RE involved in the process since it is His effort that changes us. We all enter the family of God at different times and in different states. The rest of our time on earth is primarily spent transforming us into the image of Christ. Some of us have longer journeys some of us shorter, some of us easier, some of us harder, but everyone is on that journey and no one is perfect until after we die or Jesus returns in His glory. If you're frustrated by sin and you're not seeking God then that's why you can't defeat it. If you are seeking God and you still feel like you're struggling then keep it up, remember that this is war and sometimes they last a long time; the enemy will not go down easily.

     Moving past sin and the real obvious things. What about things that aren't necessarily sinful but perhaps you just don't like about yourself? God is there as well. When we pray, we are speaking directly to God Himself. God who loves to give gifts to His children and desires for us to be happy (remember though that happiness comes after holiness and they are connected, but that's another post). I for example, know that I can talk to much and be loud and even come across as spastic and immature at times. I really hate that about myself on the occasions when it happens but unfortunately I don't realize how I've been until hours later. I've prayed about it before and I do feel that I'm a more measured person now (somewhat). I know that I have greater peace and I don't worry about things as much as I used to when I was younger. If you don't like your body, prayer can give you the wherewithal to stick to your diet or exercise.  Prayer can inspire you to change habits and even comfort you if you need to leave friends. The point is that God is with us as a father, not only as Lord. You don't have to worry about bothering Him with little things because He is far more aware than we are of the fact that we can't even exist without Him.

     Prayer connects us to God and strengthens our relationship. It is the binding coord that draws us closer and closer each day. How strong would your marriage be if you never spoke to your spouse? How close would your friendships be if you never shared your day? We get our strength for life from our time spent with God. We simply cannot alter our reality without help from the creator of all reality.

The Devil In Details

      Life is a battle, a war between good and evil; or is it? Humans like things to be organized, separated, and easy to understand but unfortunately life just isn't. This desire for simplicity however, has lead to an erroneous belief that there are two camps at war with each other, with humanity in between. God is cast as the good guy, the champion of light and righteousness, valiantly battling against evil for our souls. Conversely we have Satan placed as the lord of evil, waging eternal battle for dominion. The problem with this idea is that it takes power away from God and gives way more power to Satan than he really has.

“Be careful! Watch out for attacks from the Devil, your great enemy. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for some victim to devour.”

(1 Peter 5:8)

     Satan. What do we know about him? Honestly we don't know much. He is not, however, the opposite of God. Often it seems He is portrayed as God's opposite number, the ying to His yang (or yang to His ying depending on how exactly that works). In movies like Constantine (2005) we see this played out as a cosmic battle with both sides fairly equally matched and masters of their own spiritual domain. The truth however is both far simpler and harder to accept.

     Satan is a created being, just like the angels and just like me, you, or anybody. Created as a divine being he is often called the angel of light and, like everything, was created perfect. Angels however, like humans, have a degree of free choice and Satan gave in to pride and a desire for power. He desired to be “like the most High” and coveted the throne and praise of God. Ultimately he convinced a number of other angels to join him in revolt and was summarily cast down.

(This passage is meant for the King of Tyre but is also seen as being said to Satan as well, some of the event referenced are obviously before that king existed.)

"...You were the perfection of wisdom and beauty. You were in Eden, the garden of God. Your clothing was adorned with every precious stone-red carnelian, chrysolite, white moonstone, beryl, onyx, jasper, sapphire, turquoise, and emerald-all beautifully crafted for you and set in the finest gold. They were given to you on the day you were created. I ordained and anointed you as the mighty angelic guardian. You had access to the holy mountain of God and walked among the stones of fire. "You were blameless in all you did from the day you were created until the day evil was found in you. Your great wealth filled you with violence, and you sinned. So I banished you from the mountain of God. I expelled you, O mighty guardian, from your place among the stones of fire. Your heart was filled with pride becauszze of all your beauty. You corrupted your wisdom for the sake of your splendor. So I threw you to the earth...”

(Ezekiel 28:12-17)

“Then there was war in heaven. Michael and the angels under his command fought the dragon and his angels. And the dragon lost the battle and was forced out of heaven. This great dragon-the ancient serpent called the Devil, or Satan, the one deceiving the whole world-was thrown down to the earth with all his angels. Then I heard a loud voice shouting across the heavens, "It has happened at last-the salvation and power and kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Christ! For the Accuser has been thrown down to earth-the one who accused our brothers and sisters before our God day and night. And they have defeated him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of their testimony. And they were not afraid to die. Rejoice, O heavens! And you who live in the heavens, rejoice! But terror will come on the earth and the sea. For the Devil has come down to you in great anger, and he knows that he has little time."

(Revelation 12:7-12)

     God you see, has no problems dealing with Satan. God does not struggle against anything nor does anything interfere with His plans. The treason of Lucifer and the evil that exists today are not an unfortunate and unseen circumstance but a part of the plan. In a way, God created evil, not that He authors it or causes it but because He made what is right. When something is defined as good, something else is automatically made that is correspondingly bad, at least in theory. When God created things outside Himself, He made the possibility of evil. The point here is that nothing is a surprise to God and nothing is out of His control. We do not find ourselves in a metaphysical war against evil, we are simply in a rather uncomfortable portion of God's great plan for eternity. No matter how dark the night may be God (who has perfect judgment) decided that it was worth it.

     Satan has no power apart from what God allows. He is not another god, he is not another power, but he is the enemy of our souls. Imagine him as a great big mean dog on a leash. If he were free he would do all sorts of harm, but he chained, and unable to go further than that chain allows. Satan is not foiling God's plans he is fulfilling them, whether he wants to or not. Also, as a created being, he is limited to his being. He is not all knowing, nor can he be everywhere. We should be wary of him for what he can do but not afraid of him for who he is. God is more powerful than any adversary and nothing -absolutely nothing- happens without His consent. We need not fear some evil shadow when we walk with the light of the world.

“Then the Devil, who betrayed them, was thrown into the lake of fire that burns with sulfur, joining the beast and the false prophet. There they will be tormented day and night forever and ever.”

(Revelation 20:10)

The Three Loves

     It's complicated being human. We are a roiling storm of thoughts, emotions, beliefs, information, and intuition. Being a Christian is even more complex as we take the whole confusing mess and throw spirituality and eternity into it! What can we say about ourselves that has any concrete meaning? How can we understand ourselves in light of our short comings and limitations? How can we describe our ever stumbling quest to do what is right? How about with a quote from Augustine?

“There are two kinds of loves within me. There is the love which loves the good, there is the love which loves the evil, and the best thing I can say about myself is that there is a third kind of a passion that looks at both of them. I have a love that loves the love that loves the good and I have a hate that hates the love that loves the evil.”

(This may be paraphrased as I have been unable to find a direct quotation)

     Do you see what He means? In all of us there is a love, a part of our being, that loves good. We desire to be good people and do good things. We desire to do right before God and to follow His will. We spend hours and days and months and years striving for one step closer to perfection. We praise the good in others and do our best to support them. All of this time and energy spent because there is a part of us that years for righteousness. We are a tainted fallen creation but in our blood is the echo of a memory, a shadow of remembrance of a time now lost when God was here with us and all was as it should be. We love that good memory and the pinpoints of light that we see in this life.

     Yet there is a another passion within us. Beyond our desire for the good and the great is a desire for the evil and the base. A man's desire for his wife is muddied by a wandering lust he cannot seem to control or a woman's desire for beauty is tainted by pride. As much as we love and praise the good in this life we truly desire that which we know is wrong. How much of our culture is focused on sex, greed, murder, revenge, covetousness, and more? We cannot deny that we have a desire, an open want, for the shadows and the dark. We like to think that we are all so civilized but we are lions in a cage and on a leash. The walls of our carefully constructed societies are all that keep us from turning on each other.

     Here then is the only really good thing we can say about ourselves: apart from the two base passions that run within us, there is a third perspective. This third part of ourselves looks at the other two and passes judgment. This third part, this part given -I think- by God, cheers for the love that desires good and rails against the love that desires evil. Paul said something similar:

“I don't understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do the very thing I hate. I know perfectly well that what I am doing is wrong, and my bad conscience shows that I agree that the law is good. But I can't help myself, because it is sin inside me that makes me do these evil things. I know I am rotten through and through so far as my old sinful nature is concerned. No matter which way I turn, I can't make myself do right. I want to, but I can't. When I want to do good, I don't. And when I try not to do wrong, I do it anyway. But if I am doing what I don't want to do, I am not really the one doing it; the sin within me is doing it. It seems to be a fact of life that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God's law with all my heart. But there is another law at work within me that is at war with my mind. This law wins the fight and makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God's law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.”

(Romans 7:15-25 NLT)

     What then do we do? As always, we pray and seek God in this difficult thing. We nurture that passion that loves good and we do our best to starve the passion that loves evil. We will never be free from temptation and sin while we still walk in this world but we can fight and repent when we make the wrong choice. We must never lose ourselves in our sorrow over sin but use our evils as reminders of the glory of the God so good as to forgive us. We may never be perfect until eternity but we can fight and we can pray and we can try.

And Who Am I to Speak?

I am reminded of how little I am. What do I think I'm doing with all these words? Who am I to speak to others and to tell them what truth is? I am no prophet nor am I some great man of God. My imperfections glare at me from the mirror and I know that I am so very little worth. I am no great scholar, I am no enlightened thinker, but what I have is the Word. That is all I or anyone else has to say that has any meaning. 774,746 words that contain anything of any eternal bearing or meaning or purpose. In the end I'm just finding new combinations of words to express ideas that God has already given to us.

In a way I guess I am a prophet. The job of the prophet has always been to take the words of God to the people. In times past those words were new and directly given, now we have them already recorded. Still the job remains the same. In that way, everyone who teaches is a prophet, and like a prophet of old, we all must be very careful not to get in the way. His words truth must not be mixed with my opinion, my thoughts must be shaped by His commands. When I write, when I speak, when I try to explain this text, then I must stay within that text. If I stray into uncharted lands then I am lost and worse than that, I may drag others with me. Remember what Jesus said to the Pharisees?

"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you travel land and sea to win one proselyte, and when he is won, you make him twice as much a son of hell as yourselves. Woe to you, blind guides...”

(Matthew 23:15-16)

Is that what we do as modern day teachers? Do we go about making disciples, teaching them what we believe, only to make them even more fit for a residence in eternal torment? How often do you examine yourself, how often do I, to make sure we are on the path? Can we check too often? Too much? Why do I never see the experts on TV or the Internet carrying Bibles? Why does the preacher always have one but the pundit does not? Do we really care if people see us as less of an authority because we have to read or look up a text? Wouldn't it be better to be accurate for sure then appear to have great knowledge?

I pray that I'm doing what I should be here. I pray that in taking up this mantle, for trying to teach the truth, that I am in fact doing just that. Dear God let my words reflect Your truth and may I not lead a single soul astray by my thoughts expressed. There is terror here if you understand what is at stake, but there is hope and comfort in Him. Like in all things our understanding of God helps us. I may hamper or hinder some poor soul by some errant teaching, but I will never be responsible for their salvation or damnation. No matter how well written the article I will never save anyone from hell and no matter how poorly I screw up a doctrine I can never damn anyone to it either. We are each of us responsible for our destiny and God will -will- save those who are His.

“And Jesus said to them, 'I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes in Me shall never thirst. But I said to you that you have seen Me and yet do not believe. All that the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will by no means cast out. For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me. This is the will of the Father who sent Me, that of all He has given Me I should lose nothing, but should raise it up at the last day. And this is the will of Him who sent Me, that everyone who sees the Son and believes in Him may have everlasting life; and I will raise him up at the last day.'"

(John 6:35-40)

Use my words oh God, if You will. Though I can offer only a pitiful sacrifice. Keep me on a short leash, let me only say your Truth and Your words. Let me never lose sight of how little I am and how big You are; the awesome God who created and keeps all things, who has laid out the plan of creation and carries it out, who has given us the words of life (John 6:67-68). It's not much but all I have is all I can give. Like the song “So Great a Salvation“ from the O.C. Supertones: “I could never thank you enough, but here's my life for whatever it's worth.”

Reflections On Waiting

     I have now been married for more than one year. It almost feels odd to say that, almost like it's not the reality I wake to. I've always wanted to get married, since my earliest memories. I remember feeling so depressed and lost as an even younger man because I saw no hope for this future. I would beg God to let me meet my one and only, to show me the way to the love I longed for. He always seemed so silent at those times. Looking back I see that God wasn't silent, He was quietly telling me “wait, wait, wait.” I can see now that it wasn't time yet, I wasn't ready and His plans hadn't come to fruition; but He did have a plan. I'm glad He made me wait. He had someone that He was preparing for me just as He was preparing me for her. Had my desire been answered I would have been with less than His best for me.

     I see this all the time in my life and in the lives of others. We want what we want and we want it now. It's not even just about greed or a lack of patience, I think we simply lack the ability to see or perhaps just ignore the possibility that getting something later can be better. We are convinced that we should have what we want or need at this moment and that any delay is damaging to us. Further, we tend to think of delays as punitive. I would have such and such thing or relationship if only I were a better Christian or read my Bible more or if I were more in line with His will for my life. So often we fail to see that maybe, just maybe, it is simply just not the time or the place for us to have something we desire.

     God often asks us to wait. In fact I think that through waiting we learn most of life's lessons. We learn patience and trust and contentedness and humility through waiting; and we often find other seemingly unrelated lessons being taught while we are waiting for something else to come about. Ultimately we all need to learn to just trust God. He will by no means turn us aside nor neglect our needs. God desires our ultimate good and He will achieve that by the best means and in the best time. Furthermore, as our heavenly Father He desires to give us good gifts. Just as our earthly fathers -if they are good- delight in giving things to their children so God has joy in bringing us joy in the things He gives.

"So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. "For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. "If a son asks for bread from any father among you, will he give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent instead of a fish? "Or if he asks for an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? "If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!"

(Luke 11:9-13)

     We need to get away from the now mentality. Everything will come in God's time and if in His wisdom it does not come to us then we need to trust His choice. That new job or that girl or that guy may be the worst thing for us or the worst thing for us now, though we may find joy in them. Trust and obey for theirs no other way to be happy in Jesus. His will will bring all good things in time.

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”

(Matthew 6:33)

The Real Me

     How do you know who you are? It seems like a lot of time, money, and energy is spent these days on finding that answer. We seem to think that if we can experience just a few more things or learn a few more things or do a few more things, than we can find that missing piece in the puzzle that is ourselves. I think however, that all this effort is the problem -at least a part of it- and not the solution.

     I have heard quite a few stories of people who have left behind responsibilities or family in order to “find themselves” or “follow their dream.” These people often go to far flung locations on the globe helping others, or seeing whats out there and often leave important things behind. Every one of them is certain that they will come to some revelation about themselves while they are out there. Sadly, the journey tells us more about them than any eureka moment they may have. The only thing you are proving by leaving it all behind is that you are selfish enough to ditch your responsibilities and even abandon those who rely on you. The simple truth of life is that we are often restricted in doing what we want by what we must. It is our willingness to hunker down and simply work that speaks of character.

     

     There is also the often heard excuse that if only all these “things” weren't happening to me, I could be who I really am. The idea being that I am prevented from being the person I would really like to be because I am forced into being the person I must be. This is often said defensively, justifying present actions by insisting that underneath it all is the “real” you. As before, the “real” you is the you that you are right now! You are the one who chose your present course of action, you are the one who acts in a certain way in a given circumstance. Who you are is more about the quality of your character than your social status. How much money you make, or how glamorous your job, or how fancy your lifestyle only speaks of what you do with what you have; more important is how you got there or how you are without all that pomp.

     Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you shouldn't follow your dreams or be willing to make drastic changes to achieve them. What I'm saying is that if you are the good person you want to be than you will do what's right and not always what makes you happy or even fulfilled. The real you is not some nebulous concept that we must each discover in some arduous search, we are who we choose to be every minute of every day. That man who works two or more jobs to support his family when he'd rather be something else is no less honorable for not living out his fanciful desires. He knows his responsibilities and where his efforts must be focused. That man doesn't have to give up on himself to be honorable, he can pursue his dreams but at a perhaps slower pace. The would be writer, the wanna-be actor, the home chef, or the night school student with a full time job; they all honor their commitments and follow their dreams.

     We should never let our dreams destroy our reality, our maybe tomorrows to bring harm to our todays. Dreams are great but we cannot live in them, we cannot make our home in the clouds. In a world so obsessed with dreams and hopes and big futures we so often look down on the here and now. These day to days are not obstacles in our way but the building stones of our lives. If you cast aside your foundation, how high do you think you can build?

To Whom Do We Compare?

     We are none of us perfect, and all a work in progress. It can be disheartening, falling down again. We push and we struggle and we try for every inch of holiness and still we have so far to go. Worse yet is the sight of those who are “further along” than we are. It would be easy to get lost in the comparison. It would be easy to see yourself as less, or wrong, or even to doubt your salvation because you're not moving as quickly or as far.

     Don't let that happen. We must remember that we all started at different places, at different times, and as different people. We all walk our own road to heaven so to speak and it would be folly to compare the paths. Don't confuse what I'm saying by the way, there is only one way to heaven and to God, namely through Jesus Christ, but what I'm saying is that no one walks the same steps on our journey. Some of us had the blessing of growing up in Christian homes with Christian parents or having a great biblical church to attend or having great teachers to learn from; others did not. Some people started in more shadowed worlds, or eventually found themselves there. Some of us have more dust to shake off than others.

     What is important is not your position on the journey but that you're making it all! Whether you're a baby Christian experiencing God for the first time or an elder nearing the end of a lifetime with Jesus, we're all going home. Don't worry so much about how much more work God has to do in you, the greatest saint is a horrid creature when compared to God.

     Ultimately God is the one to compare ourselves to, the one and only standard. We may be saddened when we compare our black soul to another's shining white but when laid before God we are all just shades of gray, only He is perfect! It should be a humbling and a hopeful thing to see ourselves compared to the Holy God. We appear so much worse and He appears so much better. Let that remind you that we are all just travelers on the journey, no one any better than another, and to all of us God has blessed us greatly with salvation undeserving.

     If we can keep a right perspective on ourselves and others we will be better prepared not only to continue our own journey but to help out others with theirs. That perfect saint you see may be battling demons inside that are tearing him apart or that struggling new Christian with the course mouth may be just bursting with the love of God! Remember that our only comparison should be vertical, Man to God. Forget how others may look to you or how you may look to others, ask God to help you see everyone -yourself included- as He see's them. That's how to move forward, onward and upward, to eternity.

What We Fight For

     You might hear it if you listen, the battle cry of the faith. Rise up Christian soldiers and stand against the tide! The world we're told, is falling, and we cannot stand aside! And yet some people do. There are a good many people who simply do not educate themselves on true doctrine or who do not stand up for the gospel. Some are just lazy of course, still others simply aren't saved to begin with, there are some however that will question why we need to 'defend' the gospel at all. Isn't God, God, they'll say. Doesn't He not need our help? Why bother?

     First off, and you'll find this is often the first answer regardless of the question, because we've been commanded to! We stand for God's word and proclaim it to those around us because we have been expressly ordered to by our God and King and by the example set forth in scripture.

“But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear...”

(1 Peter 3:15)

“...just as it is right for me to think this of you all, because I have you in my heart, inasmuch as both in my chains and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel, you all are partakers with me of grace.”

(Philippians 1:7)

(emphasis mine)

It seems kind of heavy handed to say and it may sound like I'm skirting the real issue but frankly many of the questions we might have as Christians come down to a sort of “because I said so” from God. We have lost some of that prophet, priest, and KING teaching about Jesus these days and we don't always hear about how he is to be obeyed. Not just listened to or taken under advisement but obeyed!

     Let me further say that God -is- God. He really doesn't need our help in any sense. If no one spoke the gospel He could make the rocks beneath our feet sing hymns to His glory! If He desires to preserve His Word it will endure; as it has through all these centuries. That being said, one important reason we 'defend' the gospel is because we aren't defending the gospel at all. What we are defending is the gospel's opportunity to impact, we are defending people! There are people out there -men, women, and children- who might only hear a little bit of the truth over there whole lives. Will you sit back and let that little bit of truth be mired in an ocean of lies? These people we see around us are dieing! The are headed to eternal fire and the world we live in is throwing up a smokescreen of falsehood to blind them off the edge of the cliff! We quiet the noise of evil so that the sweet sound of the gospel can make it to the ears of the unsaved! These people need God, and they need the truth about God; so we fight for that truth to be heard and we strike down falsehood without mercy.

“How then shall they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear without a preacher?”

(Romans 10:14)

     Remember that our lives are for eternity, our actions here will echo in forever. In defending the gospel we defend those who will be saved by it. In fighting for truth we help to free those enslaved by lies. When we do the work that God has laid out for us, His name is glorified among the people. Don't neglect your work, don't leave these fallen desperate people undefended. Fight, protect, defend, and stand firm.

“Therefore, brethren, stand fast and hold the traditions which you were taught, whether by word or our epistle.”

(2 Thessalonians 2:15)

Is It Worth It?

     I'm coming very close now to the end of my first full year of marriage. We have our plans and are suitably excited and I thank God for this tremendous blessing. As I believe I've mentioned before, I've always wanted to get married.  Now that I'm here I can say that it is indeed better than I thought it would be but also different than I thought. In my previous post “The Amazing and Wonderful Normal”  I talked about the surprising 'normal-ness' of marriage. How everything becomes just another day, and yet more than that.

     Here is where we get to today's point. Some time ago while talking about marriage, I had a friend ask me “Is it worth it?” I nodded and said yes at the time but as I thought about that seemingly simple question I could not help but think of the meaning it might have possessed. Was it meant as more than a trite question that everyone asks but doesn't really think about, sort of like “how ya doin'?” I've had some time to ponder and here are my thoughts.

     On the surface of that question it has to be said that yes, yes it is worth it. Whatever “it” is, marriage's worth surpasses. Whether time spent waiting, the resources used, the effort involved, all of it is worth the result. There are times when, during dating, it may seem like a whole lot of trouble and it would make sense to question the worth of all this hard slogging work. Believe me, if you're doing your dating right there will be times when it is work indeed. The interesting thing is that you can never understand just how worth it it is until you've been married for a while, like how we cannot understand the Word of God as we do until we are saved.

     Beyond that though, I couldn't shake the feeling that behind that question was another question, “Is it worth waiting physically?” This question presents a problems for me as I want to simply answer yes, it is worth it! That however, is hardly the point is it? Our bodies desire that physical closeness and they desire the culmination of that relationship; but we are commanded to be masters of our desires, to lay them at the feet of Christ as our Lord! So whether or not it's 'worth it' to wait, we are to be obedient to God and reserve ourselves to the one to whom we become 'one flesh.' This is what is truly worth it, obedience and submission to God. Not merely God as Savior but God as King of our lives. As David was king in Jerusalem so should Jesus be King in our Hearts, the master of His domain with the final say in all things. We as Christians do not have the right to weigh the odds and compare lists of pros and cons. We listen, we read, we learn, and we obey. That may seem harsh or rigid or even insipid but that is where we will find real meaning. Our worth was only ever to be in our relationship with God and it is only there we will find meaning today! Besides the pragmatic benefit or emotional worth of being able to give all of yourself to your spouse with no one else to lay any claim to you, it is simply of far greater benefit to obey the one who is Lord over all.

     Don't fall into the trap of trying to decide as if you had any power to make a choice. We know what God wants of us and that is all we need. The Christian life is not hard because we have so many choices to make, it is hard because those choices are already made for us and those choices go against the flow of the world. The choice you do have, the only choice, is whether or not you will obey the God who made you, bought you, saved you, and adopted you. The God who loves you. 

Is it worth it?  Yes.  Yes it is.

Where We Stand

We stand upon this shifting sand

The pillars of this aging land,

Are shaking now and falling soon

The death knell of impending doom.

Though many fought and died to make

A country free and hard to break

It seems we've thrown aside the crown

We praise the walls we're smashing down.

Our firm foundation, once so strong

Has little now to stand upon.

When all beneath has given way

What chance is there to stand today?

In God we trust our battle cry

Freedom laid out from on high

We swore we'd live as He had shown

A land, a people, all His own

But soon we lost the taste for bread

Gave up our soul for what's in our head.

Will we repent, will we implore

Will we beg to have our land restored?

Will we return to grander skies?

Will we damn ourselves

and waste our lives?

Truth, it seems, is now passè.

The crowd decides what leaders say.

Will anyone have the heart to stand

To rise up in this fractured land.

Will someone choose to stand alone

To point us to the Father's throne?

Will anyone have the heart to cast

His lot in with our noble past?

We'll see what stuff the future hides.

What once united now divides.

Our souls need more than easy dreams,

Empty men and hollow schemes.

We need a new revival plan,

A reformation of modern man.

by. Jonathan E. Schaefer

09/15/2014

Those Who Persevere

     Perseverance of the Saints. I'm sure you've heard of it. It's one of the primary doctrines of Christianity and one that offers great hope to us all. Unfortunately it is also a doctrine that is widely misunderstood. The idea behind the doctrine is God's people cannot lose their salvation, sadly it has been used and abused by quite a few preachers.

“This is a faithful saying: For if we died with Him, We shall also live with Him. If we endure, We shall also reign with Him. If we deny Him, He also will deny us.”

(2 Timothy 2:11-12)

“Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, 'If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. 'And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

(John 8:31-32)

     Let's look at the problem. The common saying used these days is the well known “Once saved always saved.” Now to be honest there is nothing said by that phrase that isn't true. If we are really and truly saved by God we cannot be taken from Him. The problem lies in the path that saying takes to get there. When you say “once saved always saved” the thought behind it is that nothing I do will make me go to hell. Again, nothing being said is technically wrong but it SO the wrong attitude! The attitude expressed here is that I don't have to worry, I don't have to try, and I don't have to care at all, because I'm set. I've got my fire insurance, I prayed my little prayer, I went to the front of the church and that is all I need right? Wrong! There is so much more to Christianity and so much more to perseverance than that! It may sound like nit-picking but we have to remember that the words we use have power and the meaning and attitude behind them has a ripple effect as it moves away from us. What we meant to say will probably not be what the fiftieth person to hear it hears.

"My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me. "And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand. "My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of My Father's hand. "I and My Father are one."

(John 10:27-30)

“Moreover, brethren, I declare to you the gospel which I preached to you, which also you received and in which you stand, by which also you are saved, if you hold fast that word which I preached to you; unless you believed in vain.”

(1 Corinthians 15:1-2)

“For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

(Romans 8:38-39)

     Now for the truth. What is meant by perseverance of the saints is that those who are truly God's will endure until the end. We will stumble and fall, we will sin and sorrow, but we will never full leave God's side. We will outlast temptation and make it to the end of this long road, we will meet our Father at the highways end. God's power keeps us going and the only real sign of a true believer is endurance. We will see fruit from their efforts and we will see growth indeed but so much of this can be mimicked by hard work and human effort. Remember that God rules over everything and nothing surprises Him. He knew from the moment you came to Him -from the moment of creation really- every sin you have and will ever commit. When He forgives your sin He forgives ALL of it, what could you do to lose that salvation that doesn't fall under “all?” You could do nothing to save yourself. We cannot earn our salvation and thus we cannot disqualify it either. The true saints of God will continue!

     Take this to heart, Christian, if you mire in worry and doubt. Are you working to get closer to God? Does your sin burden you? Do you always come back and repent no matter how far you stray? That presence in your soul, that burden on your heart is most likely the Spirit of God dwelling in you and keeping you! Don't fear doubts, face them! Don't get lazy and don't give up, God will empower those who are His own to last to the end! Our work doesn't save us, but as James points out it acts as the evidence of a changed life. So work out your salvation as the Bible says, seek God, ask for strength and don't sit on your laurels and assume that your prayer saved you. For it is the changed life and new hunger for God and His path for you that signifies your salvation.

Just a Little Something

     I need to apologize, yesterday was kind of a down day.  I wasn't feeling very creative and I also felt just a touch under the weather so I made excuses till the day was gone and I hadn't really written anything.  I don't wan to leave a day blank though so I have an older poem of mine for you all.  Not sure If I've posted it here before, let me know if I did and I'll replace it!  Thanks for reading!

The Puzzle Complete

I think that I was missing something

Though I had much to say

I think I somehow missed the point

With so much in the way

With fear and doubt I closed my eyes

And sank into despair

I sat and cried

And didn't try

To see that you still cared

But now something has changed in me

The darkness starts to fade

The love of God has pulled me from

The hole that I had made

I've spent so long so focused on

The missing, broken parts

That I forgot that you fulfill

The longings of our hearts

So let me walk in daylight, Lord

Let my heart be freed

And let me not forget again,

That you are all I need.

by. Jonathan Schaefer

06/21/06

Don't Give Up

Dear Christian,

     I know where you are right now. Alone and angry and frustrated. You're sitting in the dark as you rail against yourself. “Again.” You ask yourself. “Why have I done this again?” For the hundredth time you find yourself in the aftermath of sin, of sin you chose to do for reasons that have now evaporated. I know this because I've been there, we all have. The life of a Christian is not one of perfection and sadly we often find ourselves repeating the same bad choices we swore never to make again.

     The first thing I'll say is this: Use it. Sin won't stop at merely getting you to choose the 'flesh'. It will use your grief to drive you further from God.  Grief and guilt are unusual. When used properly they can keep us humble, drive us to do better, and cause us to draw closer to God. Often though, our guilt makes us unwilling to approach the perfect God and can actually push us to further sin. It's important to remember that we are undeserving of His grace and deserving of His punishment, but we can't focus on that. We have to keep that fact in mind so that it informs the wonder and awe we experience from the knowledge of what He has done for us. That the Holy God of the universe would deign to save such as us shouldn't make us cower into the dirt, it should have us shouting for joy and praise! On the flip side, we must examine our sins and our behaviors and our history to be sure that the overall pattern is growth not simply a lack of freedom from sin. God has given us freedom, we don't -have- to sin, but we will. Not until glory will we be totally free. Use it, don't let your guilt simply sit there. Go to God and repent, ask for His help and He will be there with you.

     Furthermore, remember that you never deserved your salvation in the first place. I know that when I sin, when I have to repent of my actions, one of the first things that comes to my mind is the question “why on earth would God have saved me?” It's helpful to remember that God didn't save you because of anything within 'you'. To put it bluntly, He saved you because He chose to. That's it and we may never understand the reasons. We were utterly unworthy of salvation in the first place so we can't become less worthy than that. God saw all of your sin, all of it, from the time that He made time itself. He knew exactly what He was getting into when He saved you. There are no surprises, there are no regrets, and there is nothing that will cause Him to revoke that which He has given. If you're saved, if you really are, then know that you will never fall fully away. You will always return, God will always be calling you back or even dragging you back.

     So don't give up. Use your guilt and your mistakes. Take what the enemy want's to use to destroy you and give it to God so that He can build you up instead. Repent and move on from that dark room you find yourself in. Keep your eyes on the bright horizon and keep walking, keep fighting for every step and when you fall, get back up. 

 I'll be praying for you.