Beauty in the Public Eye

     I remember an ad I saw once. I was working for a certain retail chain and on one of their cosmetics counters stood a relatively small placard with three woman displayed on it. The women display were, shall we say, devoid of apparel and between the three of them their arms did a pretty good job of covering themselves. What really struck me, besides the fact that a popular retail chain had a picture of three essentially naked women openly displayed on their counter, was that the advert was for some kind make-up. Not for underclothing or outer clothing or even for cosmetic surgery but for cosmetics! It really bothered me. Even now I wonder, was that really necessary?

     Our culture is obsessed with sex. Not a new thing to say I know. Sex has taken over so much of what we think about and how we think about things that it's difficult to think of many of those things in any other way. Take beauty for example. Can you separate 'beautiful' from 'sexy'? Is there a difference? Well, as always, lets look at the Bible and look for some clues. We'll start with a familiar passage, the later part of what's often called the “Proverbs 31 woman” conveniently found, in Proverbs chapter 31.

Proverbs 31:25-30 “Strength and honor are her clothing; She shall rejoice in time to come.  She opens her mouth with wisdom, And on her tongue is the law of kindness.  She watches over the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness.  Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her: “Many daughters have done well, But you excel them all.”

Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.”

Now this passage says a lot of things and much obviously no one is expected to live up perfectly to the “superwoman” depicted here. That being said there is a lot we can take from this. The woman here is described as: strong, honorable, wise, kind, not idle, and watchful. We read about this wonderful woman in a passage describing the attributes of a desirable wife, so these are things to look for in a mate! Pay special attention also to the last verse, which I'm sure many of you know; “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.” Charm will lie to you, drawing you in with what may be false promises and beauty passes with time. Ultimately the true test of a woman -and of anyone- is their dedication and obedience to God.

     You might be thinking “That's all well and good but that doesn't really have much to say about physical appearance. Isn't all physical attraction basically just degrees of sexual attraction?” Well, yes and no. Beauty is a part of sexual attraction but I don't think that attraction even when physical is necessarily sexual. Everyday physical beauty has to be seen through the filter of what we know about a person. A lovely women with no other favorable qualities won't seem very attractive for long, while a more homely women with a kind and loving heart can seem all the more wonderful. In the same way someone very alluring can blind you to seeing what really matters.

Proverbs 11:22 “As a ring of gold in a swine's snout, So is a lovely woman who lacks discretion.”

Ultimately the Bible doesn't really spend much time telling men or women how to dress or how to look, but it spends a lot of time telling us that God desires us to live a holy righteous life.

1Timothy 2:9-10 “in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works.”

What this passage really means is that women -and men- are to cover themselves with good works, with righteousness. It's not against braided hair as we see it now anyway, nor against jewelry but against showing off with what we have, making a spectacle of ourselves, and distracting others from focusing on God and his desires for our lives.

     In my opinion one of the most misleading ideas in popular media and culture is the obsession (especially with how the media talks about women) with “feeling” sexy. In the popular mindset feeling attractive and feeling beautiful to a woman are linked seemingly permanently to feeling sexy. Is that supposed to be the way of things? Sex is a gift and a responsibility from God. It's a wonderful thing with wonderful meaning but it also has some specific rules and a specific context. There is a time and a place for sex in our lives and by extension for 'sexiness' as well. So what is the proper setting and context for 'sexiness'? The same place for sex itself, marriage. When a person says they want to feel 'sexy' their really saying they want to feel desirable which is another way of saying they want the people around themselves to desire them. They want to be the center of attention. Following this line of thought brings us back once again to the age old enemy of humanity, pride. When we seek to play our sexuality out in the public realm we're really looking for a way to place ourselves on a pillar, to feel good about ourselves because of ourselves and for the sake of ourselves. Ultimately there is only one person that we need to 'feel' sexy for, our spouse. Knowing that our spouse desires us is an important part a healthy relationship but it has no meaning outside of a relationship other than to fuel our pride!

     Ask someone who's been married a long time, though age has changed them both they remain attracted to each other. Age plays no favorites and all things being equal we all lose our looks as we get on in years, but to those who spend a lifetime together every wrinkle is smoothed out by a memory of the life they've shared and the relationship formed makes their partner all the sweeter to them. We don't need to flaunt our sexuality, we don't need to cheapen it by making it available to so many people. We need to remember that a beautiful person is a Godly person and that beauty doesn't have to be sexy.