Not sure what exactly I'm writing now. I feel, thoughts; inside my mind, wrestling around and jostling for...something. I'm struggling. My mind accepts and believes that I want to walk the true path, my soul concurs and grieves me terribly when I vary from that direction. Yet, still I often find myself far from the road. Why is that? How can I totally believe in something, and then act against it? How far fallen is this flesh that it seeks what it knows is a lie? My word, it is astonishing just how great and terrible the fall of man is... This rebellious nature we have, God haters and doers of iniquity, is as powerful as it is blind. Not the blind of a child born incorrectly, or the blind of man who experienced trauma, but the blind of one who put out his own eyes. It becomes increasingly obvious to me how much we need the Spirit's power in our lives. We really do have absolutely no chance of overcoming our own nature on our own, to say nothing of external temptation. How many times must I say I'm sorry, how many time must I repent before the end comes? Oh Lord, how could you ever forgive such a man as I?

        I think of Heaven. I think of peace. Finally, peace! To sit under a tree or to walk the streets of that grand city to be and not feel fear, or worry, or temptation, or doubt. To feel my cynicism vanish and my skepticism wash away. To know that tomorrow will be just as wonderful as today, and ten thousand besides! To walk in the very presence of my Lord and see Him smile... To know that I will never bring another tear to His eyes, that I'll never break my promises again... Oh my God, how can I last until that day? Grant me strength to endure to the end, to fight against the passions and desires that war every day against my soul. To stand in this world of falling, to run where the world would tell me rest. I will trust in You.

“And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, 'behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.' Then He who sat on the throne said, 'Behold, I make all things new.' And He said to me, 'Write, for these words are true and faithful.' And He said to me, 'It is done! I am the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End. I will give of the fountain of the water of life freely to him who thirsts.'”

Revelation 21:3-6